Kamnjoro
Lister
Vipi wadau. Jana boss ameenda na Lootall campaigns, so am free. When I tell you am bewitched, I mean it. It all started here.
kenyanlist.net
Winnie and I have been living unhappily ever since. Living together coz she refused to go back to her home. Unhappy because we fight every day over everything and anything. But we fuck like rabbits every day after our fights. To me, it's revenge. To her, it is reconciliation. Win-win for both of us.
Today is a tricky day coz
1) I spent the whole day yesterday in the house. Ok, not whole day, but up to 3pm.
2) I went drinking at 3pm.
What is unique about today's fight is that it attracted the attention of my mother and neighbours, am not sure it will end up in a fuck and I wasn't part of it. More importantly, it hasn't been fought yet.
See, when you are used to an oil change every day, it becomes impossible to sleep without one. I recently listened to a motivational speaker and he advised that everyone should seek to find their purpose on this earth. After deep reflection and soul searching, I realized I was born into this world for two reasons: to serve as a warning for others, and to fuck. I have achieved the first. I am concentrating on the second. And faring well.
Winnie went to visit her parents yesterday, our agreement being that she would come back tomorrow, Sunday. My argument was that she needs time with her parents and 5-yr old daughter who has closed school. So two days sounded reasonable to all. I escorted her and gave her 6k. 1k for transport, and 5k for shopping. You guys must appreciate that am becoming a responsible man, donge? That was at 2:30pm.
By 3pm, I was bored and decided to go for a drink at Shamata. It's not far from my place, a nduthi is 400 bob only. And it's a big town, complete with 150 during the weekend. The problem is the cold. Coz sometimes you can't distinguish a 150 from a woman going for Kesha by the dressing. They dress the same. Anyway, I got to the club Laggoss, got myself a Balozi, and ordered for a ½ kilo of meat. Choma. And I continued drinking. And drinking. Shamata happens to be my area of operation, so I am known to most guys. Actually, as the "PA" to the incoming governor, everyone knows me. And I didn't disappoint. I bought keg worth over 6k, and promised over 10 people jobs once we take over government.
When you do such things, you definitely catch the eye of the local damsels. A big man doesn't go hunting, he's hunted. And I allowed myself to be hunted by one waitress, who, for the purpose of this hekaya, will be called Lillian, coz that is her real name. The owner had assigned her to serve my table alone since I was the VIP of the day. And as it happens, I borrowed. And with my
record, I was given. Lilliy isn't really a bad lady, she's just unlucky. She's not exactly beautiful or shapely like the ones we see around, so we can say with some degree of confidence that the man who impregnated her twice and dumped her wasn't really an opportunistic son of a bitch looking to hit fine things and move to karura. But that is exactly what he did two years ago, and she was left to fend for her two kids. Her church of "long dress" didn't help make matters better, coz they accused her of immorality when she got pregnant an year later. And excommunicated her. The devil welcomed her into his kingdom and got her a job as a waitress at a joint in Shamata. And topped it up with a man who gave her a fourth pregnancy which is due in Dec this year. And he disappeared.
So this visibly pregnant not-so-good-looking damsel was more than happy when I welcomed her to my table and bought her a few bottles of GK ya kusafisha mtoto. And she was happy when I listened to her story and didn't judge her but told her that she could be exactly what I have been looking for because "I was dumped by my wife when she realized am infertile one year ago". So am looking for a woman with kids to be my wife since I can't father any. You guys must give me an A+ for my mistari. It was therefore obvious that we would go home together after she closes job.
The good thing with these cold places is that they close early. Nobody is gonna stay in the freezing cold past 10. So at 10:30pm, she had closed and we took a nduthi home. We were in bed at 11:30, having convinced her that the feminine clothes in my house are those that belonged to the wife who left me an year ago. She was sympathetic and gave me all her sweetness. And I must confess to you that I never let the senate down. Threshold was met and exceeded. And since I am brave and infertile, there was no need for CDs. Kavu kavu mpaka akafurahia. I must also confess that her pussy was well beyond her looks. She was
I guess due to the cake in the oven.
She was to report to work at 1 today, so after the third morning glory at 11, I left her making some meal and went to buroti to buy a kanyama for lunch. Coming back half an hour later, I could tell something was amiss coz a crowd had gathered around my house. Getting closer, I noticed Winnie and Lillian fighting, men cheering while women tried to separate the two. Clothes were in tatters and a small child was crying helplessly hapo kando. I spotted mum and stealthily moved to her and she narrated how the issue had deescalated after Winnie came with her daughter and found Lillian in the house. And that is how the fight started. Efforts to separate them had been futile. And police had been called.
As the wise man that I am, I did what Jesus did. Nilipitia katikati Yao na hawakuniona. I just walked away and took a nduthi to Shamata, same pub. And ordered a drink.
Lillian has just come at around 4 looking like a house that has been hit by grenade. She's from the police station and tells me am wanted there to record a statement. I have managed to convince her to disregard what she has heard being said by my neighbors, and believe me that the woman left me an year ago and only came back when she heard I have found myself a wife.
Up to this moment, in my 7nd beer, I don't know what I will do about this, or where I will go after the pub closes. If it was a rented house, I would just ghost. But this is home. And Winnie has dents that suggest she can kill (if she hasn't done it in the past).
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.
Of Shoes and Fertility
How's wadaus? I trust you have been well. Mimi bado niko, campaigning for UDA, and getting a few coins to irrigate my throat with on a regular basis. We last communicated when I narrated the hekaya of what deported me to upcounty...
kenyanlist.net
Winnie and I have been living unhappily ever since. Living together coz she refused to go back to her home. Unhappy because we fight every day over everything and anything. But we fuck like rabbits every day after our fights. To me, it's revenge. To her, it is reconciliation. Win-win for both of us.
Today is a tricky day coz
1) I spent the whole day yesterday in the house. Ok, not whole day, but up to 3pm.
2) I went drinking at 3pm.
What is unique about today's fight is that it attracted the attention of my mother and neighbours, am not sure it will end up in a fuck and I wasn't part of it. More importantly, it hasn't been fought yet.
See, when you are used to an oil change every day, it becomes impossible to sleep without one. I recently listened to a motivational speaker and he advised that everyone should seek to find their purpose on this earth. After deep reflection and soul searching, I realized I was born into this world for two reasons: to serve as a warning for others, and to fuck. I have achieved the first. I am concentrating on the second. And faring well.
Winnie went to visit her parents yesterday, our agreement being that she would come back tomorrow, Sunday. My argument was that she needs time with her parents and 5-yr old daughter who has closed school. So two days sounded reasonable to all. I escorted her and gave her 6k. 1k for transport, and 5k for shopping. You guys must appreciate that am becoming a responsible man, donge? That was at 2:30pm.
By 3pm, I was bored and decided to go for a drink at Shamata. It's not far from my place, a nduthi is 400 bob only. And it's a big town, complete with 150 during the weekend. The problem is the cold. Coz sometimes you can't distinguish a 150 from a woman going for Kesha by the dressing. They dress the same. Anyway, I got to the club Laggoss, got myself a Balozi, and ordered for a ½ kilo of meat. Choma. And I continued drinking. And drinking. Shamata happens to be my area of operation, so I am known to most guys. Actually, as the "PA" to the incoming governor, everyone knows me. And I didn't disappoint. I bought keg worth over 6k, and promised over 10 people jobs once we take over government.
When you do such things, you definitely catch the eye of the local damsels. A big man doesn't go hunting, he's hunted. And I allowed myself to be hunted by one waitress, who, for the purpose of this hekaya, will be called Lillian, coz that is her real name. The owner had assigned her to serve my table alone since I was the VIP of the day. And as it happens, I borrowed. And with my
record, I was given. Lilliy isn't really a bad lady, she's just unlucky. She's not exactly beautiful or shapely like the ones we see around, so we can say with some degree of confidence that the man who impregnated her twice and dumped her wasn't really an opportunistic son of a bitch looking to hit fine things and move to karura. But that is exactly what he did two years ago, and she was left to fend for her two kids. Her church of "long dress" didn't help make matters better, coz they accused her of immorality when she got pregnant an year later. And excommunicated her. The devil welcomed her into his kingdom and got her a job as a waitress at a joint in Shamata. And topped it up with a man who gave her a fourth pregnancy which is due in Dec this year. And he disappeared.So this visibly pregnant not-so-good-looking damsel was more than happy when I welcomed her to my table and bought her a few bottles of GK ya kusafisha mtoto. And she was happy when I listened to her story and didn't judge her but told her that she could be exactly what I have been looking for because "I was dumped by my wife when she realized am infertile one year ago". So am looking for a woman with kids to be my wife since I can't father any. You guys must give me an A+ for my mistari. It was therefore obvious that we would go home together after she closes job.
The good thing with these cold places is that they close early. Nobody is gonna stay in the freezing cold past 10. So at 10:30pm, she had closed and we took a nduthi home. We were in bed at 11:30, having convinced her that the feminine clothes in my house are those that belonged to the wife who left me an year ago. She was sympathetic and gave me all her sweetness. And I must confess to you that I never let the senate down. Threshold was met and exceeded. And since I am brave and infertile, there was no need for CDs. Kavu kavu mpaka akafurahia. I must also confess that her pussy was well beyond her looks. She was
I guess due to the cake in the oven.She was to report to work at 1 today, so after the third morning glory at 11, I left her making some meal and went to buroti to buy a kanyama for lunch. Coming back half an hour later, I could tell something was amiss coz a crowd had gathered around my house. Getting closer, I noticed Winnie and Lillian fighting, men cheering while women tried to separate the two. Clothes were in tatters and a small child was crying helplessly hapo kando. I spotted mum and stealthily moved to her and she narrated how the issue had deescalated after Winnie came with her daughter and found Lillian in the house. And that is how the fight started. Efforts to separate them had been futile. And police had been called.
As the wise man that I am, I did what Jesus did. Nilipitia katikati Yao na hawakuniona. I just walked away and took a nduthi to Shamata, same pub. And ordered a drink.
Lillian has just come at around 4 looking like a house that has been hit by grenade. She's from the police station and tells me am wanted there to record a statement. I have managed to convince her to disregard what she has heard being said by my neighbors, and believe me that the woman left me an year ago and only came back when she heard I have found myself a wife.
Up to this moment, in my 7nd beer, I don't know what I will do about this, or where I will go after the pub closes. If it was a rented house, I would just ghost. But this is home. And Winnie has dents that suggest she can kill (if she hasn't done it in the past).
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.
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