Field Marshal
Elder Lister
As you all know, I am an equal opportunity Gikuyu chauvinist. But I am not a tribalist, which is why I count Mueni as my MSiM and Silverio from Busia as my blood-brother.
So today I want to talk about the Kamba. If I sound a bit tribal please mnisamehe.
What exactly is wrong with these people jameni? Si kiburi, masengenyo, upuzi, wivu, au ujinga, yote ni kama imekorea (!) kwao.
Yesterday we were eating mukimo na mbuzi pale Kwa Mwaura, City Market, when this topic came up. We were five old wazees from the Mt Kenya region.
It started like this. This old man walked in and started asking for hand-outs. Because he was older than us, about 80s, we entertained him for a bit. He told us he was sijui nani wa Musyoka from Katho-something, and he needed 100 bob for lunch, which we gave him.
After he left that's when the debate started.
"Unajua huyo tumempea pesa na pengine ndiye alikuwa anatupiga wakati wa Emergency huko Manyani. Kamba home-guards were the most brutal and violent. They did what they were told by the mzungu - but three times over. Akiambiwa akuchape viboko tano anakuchapa ishirini. Now look at him now, begging from us."
This opened up a torrent of revelations.
It wasn't for nothing that Kenya's first capital was at Masaku. The Kambas were collaborators per excellence with the colonialists. Mzungu alikuwa anapitia huko anapatiwa wasichana achichagulie like he was a god. Akitaka kulala na kumi in one night ni chaguo lake.
Because of the collaboration with colonialists, Kambas dominated Kenya's armed forces until the early 1980s. So while the much-reviled Luos for example had the likes of Jaramogi, Oneko, Mboya, Otiende etc fighting for independence, the colonial police and KAR were packed with boys from Ukambani. Which is why the first Chief of defence forces was Ndolo who, unbelievably, tried a coup against Jomo Kenyatta in 1971. So, from oppressing fellow Africans to destabilising the country! The second army chief of course was Mulinge.
But it had started earlier, one mzee from Meru pointed out. Kambas are the only people in Kenya to have engaged in the slave trade, SELLING THEIR OWN PEOPLE to the Portuguese and Arab slavers! Now we have Kamba descendants in countries as far abroad as Peru, thanks to Chief Kivoi and co. Imagine that.....
Fast-forward to today, Mzee Kiruja from Embu chipped in. Mkiandikwa na Mkamba kwa mhindi wewe kwisha. Sooner or later he will tell on you. Mnafanya deal, anawauza. Which is why every Muhindi down-town has several Muindes and Kasyokis on his payroll. It seems this treachery runs deep.
The greatest surprise came from Nthenge, a true nationalist. He's from Machakos.
"Ile yote munasema ni ukweli kabisa. Siyui ni nani aliroga Mukamba. Hata kwetu wenyewe hatusikizani. Mkamba wa Kitui ni murogi, wa Makueni ni wajuaji na wa Machakos ni wakora."
It was not surprising, Nthenge told us, that of all the Bantus of the Mt Kenya region - Embus, Gikuyus, Tharaka-Nithis, Mbeere, and Merus, ONLY the Kamba were in Nasa/ODM. Ni kama hatujielewi, Nthenge said sadly. "Hata leo si Kibwana, si Kalonzo, si Muthama, si Ngilu, si Mutua, kwetu ni kelele tu kama ndege msituni".
It was then somebody chipped in. "Have you ever gone to a Kamba-owned hotel or bar? Kama wewe ni Gikuyu they serve you like they are doing you a favour, wakiongea loud shrill Kikamba haileweki. Mkamba akipata kakitu ako na ujeuri kuliko mSouth Sudanese". We all nodded.
I had heard too much, so I decided to fight the Kamba corner.
"Lakini wazee lazima tukubali wanawake wa waKamba ni blessing kwa dunia. Akikunyima pengine hajaskia ukimuomba. Akikupea anakupea na roho yake yote. Na hana matarajio mengi, maji tuu na pesa ya cheap make-up akuwe yerro yerro uso tuu. Anakupanulia mpaka unaona epiglottis huko ndani pale juu. Na hata ukitaka sista yake anakuletea roho safi".
We laughed. And then fell silent.
Wakamba, nini huwa mbaya?
So today I want to talk about the Kamba. If I sound a bit tribal please mnisamehe.
What exactly is wrong with these people jameni? Si kiburi, masengenyo, upuzi, wivu, au ujinga, yote ni kama imekorea (!) kwao.
Yesterday we were eating mukimo na mbuzi pale Kwa Mwaura, City Market, when this topic came up. We were five old wazees from the Mt Kenya region.
It started like this. This old man walked in and started asking for hand-outs. Because he was older than us, about 80s, we entertained him for a bit. He told us he was sijui nani wa Musyoka from Katho-something, and he needed 100 bob for lunch, which we gave him.
After he left that's when the debate started.
"Unajua huyo tumempea pesa na pengine ndiye alikuwa anatupiga wakati wa Emergency huko Manyani. Kamba home-guards were the most brutal and violent. They did what they were told by the mzungu - but three times over. Akiambiwa akuchape viboko tano anakuchapa ishirini. Now look at him now, begging from us."
This opened up a torrent of revelations.
It wasn't for nothing that Kenya's first capital was at Masaku. The Kambas were collaborators per excellence with the colonialists. Mzungu alikuwa anapitia huko anapatiwa wasichana achichagulie like he was a god. Akitaka kulala na kumi in one night ni chaguo lake.
Because of the collaboration with colonialists, Kambas dominated Kenya's armed forces until the early 1980s. So while the much-reviled Luos for example had the likes of Jaramogi, Oneko, Mboya, Otiende etc fighting for independence, the colonial police and KAR were packed with boys from Ukambani. Which is why the first Chief of defence forces was Ndolo who, unbelievably, tried a coup against Jomo Kenyatta in 1971. So, from oppressing fellow Africans to destabilising the country! The second army chief of course was Mulinge.
But it had started earlier, one mzee from Meru pointed out. Kambas are the only people in Kenya to have engaged in the slave trade, SELLING THEIR OWN PEOPLE to the Portuguese and Arab slavers! Now we have Kamba descendants in countries as far abroad as Peru, thanks to Chief Kivoi and co. Imagine that.....
Fast-forward to today, Mzee Kiruja from Embu chipped in. Mkiandikwa na Mkamba kwa mhindi wewe kwisha. Sooner or later he will tell on you. Mnafanya deal, anawauza. Which is why every Muhindi down-town has several Muindes and Kasyokis on his payroll. It seems this treachery runs deep.
The greatest surprise came from Nthenge, a true nationalist. He's from Machakos.
"Ile yote munasema ni ukweli kabisa. Siyui ni nani aliroga Mukamba. Hata kwetu wenyewe hatusikizani. Mkamba wa Kitui ni murogi, wa Makueni ni wajuaji na wa Machakos ni wakora."
It was not surprising, Nthenge told us, that of all the Bantus of the Mt Kenya region - Embus, Gikuyus, Tharaka-Nithis, Mbeere, and Merus, ONLY the Kamba were in Nasa/ODM. Ni kama hatujielewi, Nthenge said sadly. "Hata leo si Kibwana, si Kalonzo, si Muthama, si Ngilu, si Mutua, kwetu ni kelele tu kama ndege msituni".
It was then somebody chipped in. "Have you ever gone to a Kamba-owned hotel or bar? Kama wewe ni Gikuyu they serve you like they are doing you a favour, wakiongea loud shrill Kikamba haileweki. Mkamba akipata kakitu ako na ujeuri kuliko mSouth Sudanese". We all nodded.
I had heard too much, so I decided to fight the Kamba corner.
"Lakini wazee lazima tukubali wanawake wa waKamba ni blessing kwa dunia. Akikunyima pengine hajaskia ukimuomba. Akikupea anakupea na roho yake yote. Na hana matarajio mengi, maji tuu na pesa ya cheap make-up akuwe yerro yerro uso tuu. Anakupanulia mpaka unaona epiglottis huko ndani pale juu. Na hata ukitaka sista yake anakuletea roho safi".
We laughed. And then fell silent.
Wakamba, nini huwa mbaya?
