Field Marshal
Elder Lister
I've heard this statement made by youngins of late, which had me chuckling; we also used to say it back in the day.
It refers to a ka-weird, acrid body smell that many old people seem to have. As I grew older, I was determined never to have that ka-disgusting smell, and researched on it seriously until I found a 'cure'.
Apparently, I have succeeded.
The other day I was sucking on the perky titties of a 21-year old shamba girl, singo matha of one, in the small shed where Wafula stores hay for my two milk goats when she blurted, "aki wewe Guka hunuka vizuri, hata hunukangi uzee kama wengine". At 72 going 73, that was a super complement. I was super-elated. The only kill joy was the old Omusakhulu down yonder - dead as a wet rope. The singo matha's mileage remained the same.
Much later of course it hit me she said 'kama wengine'. Little twat must love them octogenarians.....
Any way so what's the cure for 'kunuka uzee'?
When one ages, the skin starts losing cells at an accelerated rate. This happens all over the body. If these dead cells are not removed, they often flake off as dust. But they can also become caked on the skin with sweat, forming a thin invisible layer of 'dead skin'. When this is acted upon by bacteria, you have your 'kunuka uzee'!
The cure is simple really - a twice a week thorough body scrub with a moderately hard bathing brush or ka-ngunia using a good soap like Imperial Leather. Using a soft cloth doesn't help.
After the scrub one should then use a good moisturiser like Nivea, again all over. After that apply a decent deo like Brut and you are good to go.
And you could make it fun too as I often do - let the youngin singo matha do the scrubbing for you when you make you discreet rendezvous at Kamango Gardens Room 38, reserved. As you suck the titties and insert your fingers in warm, moist places.......................
Hopefully, the gods will let you sink in one too....
It refers to a ka-weird, acrid body smell that many old people seem to have. As I grew older, I was determined never to have that ka-disgusting smell, and researched on it seriously until I found a 'cure'.
Apparently, I have succeeded.
The other day I was sucking on the perky titties of a 21-year old shamba girl, singo matha of one, in the small shed where Wafula stores hay for my two milk goats when she blurted, "aki wewe Guka hunuka vizuri, hata hunukangi uzee kama wengine". At 72 going 73, that was a super complement. I was super-elated. The only kill joy was the old Omusakhulu down yonder - dead as a wet rope. The singo matha's mileage remained the same.
Much later of course it hit me she said 'kama wengine'. Little twat must love them octogenarians.....
Any way so what's the cure for 'kunuka uzee'?
When one ages, the skin starts losing cells at an accelerated rate. This happens all over the body. If these dead cells are not removed, they often flake off as dust. But they can also become caked on the skin with sweat, forming a thin invisible layer of 'dead skin'. When this is acted upon by bacteria, you have your 'kunuka uzee'!
The cure is simple really - a twice a week thorough body scrub with a moderately hard bathing brush or ka-ngunia using a good soap like Imperial Leather. Using a soft cloth doesn't help.
After the scrub one should then use a good moisturiser like Nivea, again all over. After that apply a decent deo like Brut and you are good to go.
And you could make it fun too as I often do - let the youngin singo matha do the scrubbing for you when you make you discreet rendezvous at Kamango Gardens Room 38, reserved. As you suck the titties and insert your fingers in warm, moist places.......................
Hopefully, the gods will let you sink in one too....
