Field Marshal
Elder Lister
My dear Kenyan youth, compatriots, this is a brief letter to you all.
First, let me start by saying that I wish none of you any ill-will, and nor do I hold any of you in even the slightest of contempt. In this journey of life, I consider you to be my fellow travelers, brilliant sparks that are both awesome but brief.
Having said this, let’s cut to the chase.
Yes, you are young. Today, if the statistics by KNBS are to be believed, you make up 75% of the Kenyan population. You are about 8 out of every 10 people in this country, under 35 years.
But that is as far as it goes.
Listening to politicians like Uhuru Kenyatta and Raila Odinga talk of you, I can see why you think of yourselves as the most special generation ever born in the 4.5 billion years of the earth’s history. The politicians lie – you are in reality to them just disposable simpletons who are only good as voting robots. It's your numbers that matter, only numbers. And my dear youth, this is the plain fucking truth even on wider scale – each of you is as important to this nation and the world - as the tree or rat outside your mother’s house. Very insignificantly.
This may be a very, very hard fact to swallow, but many of you think Kenya – and older people – owe you, allegedly because you represent ‘the brighter future’ of this nation and the world. Bullshit. Why should anybody owe you? What have you done for this country, even your clan, other than eat, shit and consume tonnes of resources getting useless education and being vaccinated, treated of HIV (many of you), and basically being parasitic, to deserve any special recognition than say a 70-year old grandpa?
Our country may be limping economically, but everything you see – the roads you travel on, the hospitals you go to, the schools, the forests, the airports, the railways, everything - has been built by the older people you keep belittling and complaining ‘are taking our jobs’. What jobs? What have you created or innovated when you can’t even wipe your own noses, leave alone feed yourselves. Why can’t you create your own jobs if the older folks are being grumpy?
Young people, I hate to tell you this, but this entitlement you have is staggeringly imbecilic. Nobody owes you shit, as they say in the US. And – for the second time – get this, you are not important to anybody but your own mother. You can die tomorrow from any of the great number of Darwin’s Ways and nobody will give a shit. You are nothing, just like the millions of sperms in a man’s cum. You have potential, yes, but as of now you are NOTHING of value. And no, you are not the 'future'.
So, if, like many of you are doing, you decide to commit suicide on such flippant issues as being left by a girlfriend (in a world of about 4 billion women), well go ahead. By the end of the week she’ll have another man as you argue with termites 6 feet under. If you want to exercise you entitlement by unleashing violence on another hapless Kenyan by all means proceed. A muzee judge at the High Court will very willingly slap you with a 30-year sentence, and we won't even skip a beat. Let’s see how young you’ll be when you step out. And if as an entitled slay-queen you want to ‘eat’ men’s money because you have a ‘big ass’ – Jesus! – well, Godspeed. When the axe meets your skull we shall be there to witness.
Of course, you may be slightly more sensible and adopt the default setting that many of you have; whining endlessly like little brainless apes about how older people have fucked up the economy. But this won’t change a single thing in your life or that of any other person. Life will go on. Children will be born and others will die, some will become rich and some will become impoverished. The sun will rise from the East and set in the West. You control nothing just because you are young. You are just a very, very insignificant link in the chain of life, just like we older people are. And, by the way, if the older people fuck up the economy, they created it in the first place. Create yours and make it boom, if you can.
The fact is, young people in Kenya today are having it better than at any other time, but because of your entitlement issues you wouldn’t know it. Twenty years ago a simple thing as having a bank account, for example, was a privilege; now you can do it from your sitting room with a phone. As you can borrow money, order food, ask for a cab, read a book, pay bills, whatever.
No walking miles and miles on end to get to a service provider, or spend days in queues at the bank, KPLC, City Council or whatever. And yet you keep giving older people grief because, allegedly, you are the ‘future’ and they haven't done enough to cushion your soft ass from the hardships of life. Get a light-bulb moment - jump off a bridge or something.
You are not special, guys. The earth has been around for 4.5 billion years and if you think you have any edge over older people get this; we’ll all be dead in the next 70 years. What fraction is that of 4.5 billion years? Some edge, eeeeeeeeh?
Let me leave you with one last thought. During both World Wars, countries in Europe lost about 80% of their young. Funnily, after they ended fighting their economies blossomed. Those of you who have read anything other than Twitter and FB must have heard of the ‘baby boomers’ for example. But why did these countries blossom after they lost so many of their their youth? BECAUSE MOST YOUTH ARE JUST PARASITIC BAGGAGE – EATING, SHITTING, ENTITLED LITTLE BRAINLESS TWATS. If we could jettison you off into space, we could do very, very well, and that's a fact.
Get it; you are not important to me, the next guy, this country or the world any more than a 90 year old is. Get over your delusions. Or, better, exit left. Believe me, you won't be missed except perhaps, perhaps, by those who bore you as they had their fun.
First, let me start by saying that I wish none of you any ill-will, and nor do I hold any of you in even the slightest of contempt. In this journey of life, I consider you to be my fellow travelers, brilliant sparks that are both awesome but brief.
Having said this, let’s cut to the chase.
Yes, you are young. Today, if the statistics by KNBS are to be believed, you make up 75% of the Kenyan population. You are about 8 out of every 10 people in this country, under 35 years.
But that is as far as it goes.
Listening to politicians like Uhuru Kenyatta and Raila Odinga talk of you, I can see why you think of yourselves as the most special generation ever born in the 4.5 billion years of the earth’s history. The politicians lie – you are in reality to them just disposable simpletons who are only good as voting robots. It's your numbers that matter, only numbers. And my dear youth, this is the plain fucking truth even on wider scale – each of you is as important to this nation and the world - as the tree or rat outside your mother’s house. Very insignificantly.
This may be a very, very hard fact to swallow, but many of you think Kenya – and older people – owe you, allegedly because you represent ‘the brighter future’ of this nation and the world. Bullshit. Why should anybody owe you? What have you done for this country, even your clan, other than eat, shit and consume tonnes of resources getting useless education and being vaccinated, treated of HIV (many of you), and basically being parasitic, to deserve any special recognition than say a 70-year old grandpa?
Our country may be limping economically, but everything you see – the roads you travel on, the hospitals you go to, the schools, the forests, the airports, the railways, everything - has been built by the older people you keep belittling and complaining ‘are taking our jobs’. What jobs? What have you created or innovated when you can’t even wipe your own noses, leave alone feed yourselves. Why can’t you create your own jobs if the older folks are being grumpy?
Young people, I hate to tell you this, but this entitlement you have is staggeringly imbecilic. Nobody owes you shit, as they say in the US. And – for the second time – get this, you are not important to anybody but your own mother. You can die tomorrow from any of the great number of Darwin’s Ways and nobody will give a shit. You are nothing, just like the millions of sperms in a man’s cum. You have potential, yes, but as of now you are NOTHING of value. And no, you are not the 'future'.
So, if, like many of you are doing, you decide to commit suicide on such flippant issues as being left by a girlfriend (in a world of about 4 billion women), well go ahead. By the end of the week she’ll have another man as you argue with termites 6 feet under. If you want to exercise you entitlement by unleashing violence on another hapless Kenyan by all means proceed. A muzee judge at the High Court will very willingly slap you with a 30-year sentence, and we won't even skip a beat. Let’s see how young you’ll be when you step out. And if as an entitled slay-queen you want to ‘eat’ men’s money because you have a ‘big ass’ – Jesus! – well, Godspeed. When the axe meets your skull we shall be there to witness.
Of course, you may be slightly more sensible and adopt the default setting that many of you have; whining endlessly like little brainless apes about how older people have fucked up the economy. But this won’t change a single thing in your life or that of any other person. Life will go on. Children will be born and others will die, some will become rich and some will become impoverished. The sun will rise from the East and set in the West. You control nothing just because you are young. You are just a very, very insignificant link in the chain of life, just like we older people are. And, by the way, if the older people fuck up the economy, they created it in the first place. Create yours and make it boom, if you can.
The fact is, young people in Kenya today are having it better than at any other time, but because of your entitlement issues you wouldn’t know it. Twenty years ago a simple thing as having a bank account, for example, was a privilege; now you can do it from your sitting room with a phone. As you can borrow money, order food, ask for a cab, read a book, pay bills, whatever.
No walking miles and miles on end to get to a service provider, or spend days in queues at the bank, KPLC, City Council or whatever. And yet you keep giving older people grief because, allegedly, you are the ‘future’ and they haven't done enough to cushion your soft ass from the hardships of life. Get a light-bulb moment - jump off a bridge or something.
You are not special, guys. The earth has been around for 4.5 billion years and if you think you have any edge over older people get this; we’ll all be dead in the next 70 years. What fraction is that of 4.5 billion years? Some edge, eeeeeeeeh?
Let me leave you with one last thought. During both World Wars, countries in Europe lost about 80% of their young. Funnily, after they ended fighting their economies blossomed. Those of you who have read anything other than Twitter and FB must have heard of the ‘baby boomers’ for example. But why did these countries blossom after they lost so many of their their youth? BECAUSE MOST YOUTH ARE JUST PARASITIC BAGGAGE – EATING, SHITTING, ENTITLED LITTLE BRAINLESS TWATS. If we could jettison you off into space, we could do very, very well, and that's a fact.
Get it; you are not important to me, the next guy, this country or the world any more than a 90 year old is. Get over your delusions. Or, better, exit left. Believe me, you won't be missed except perhaps, perhaps, by those who bore you as they had their fun.
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