Kamnjoro
Lister
Good people, my life hasn't always been the mess it is now. There were good times, and a lot of beautiful memories remain forever etched in my head. Whereas (de)motivational speakers advise that we should not dwell in the past, I prefer to relive yesteryears coz they are better than any foreseeable future. And that is if everything works better for me, otherwise there will be no future if current trends are anything to go by.
In my campaign trail yesterday, I met a barmaid called Snyder at one sleepy town called Gobit. I have no understanding why this name Snyder seems a preserve of luhyas, coz it reminded me of a house help we once had by the same name, and she was also a luhya. And a typical luhya she was- tall, dark and handsome. At that time, we had just had our firstborn with my second "wife" (first wife's former mbotch) and were living a moderate life in Komarock phase 5 in a 1br extension. Life was good. As is the design of such houses, the misbotch sleeps in the living room, hiding her stuff behind the sofa during the day. I shall yell you more about the current Snyder ad events unfold.
Although she was taller than me, she was barely 18 and used to call me Uncle, something that used to infuriate me kabisaaa. That name meant that she respected me, and that greatly diminished my chances of getting inside her. See, I have never been one to value looks. I value variety. That's Why I live with the motto that the best pussy is a new pussy. And since I hadn't tasted Snyder's, it means she was the best pussy in the house. And I was determined to hit it at whatever cost.
On this particular day, I had taken Keg at Kioi's and staggered home at whatever time I have no idea. Wife was asleep in the bedroom, so it was Snyder who opened for me, and she hit the blankets even before I got in. I had overdone myself this day, and had puked all over my clothes. I knew khupipi would make a lot of noise, so I went straight to the bathroom cum toilet and took a cold shower. In my drunkenness, I had ignored the need for a towel around my waist. So after shower, it was time to get out with nothing to wrap around my skinny self. My clothes were already soaked wet inside the bathroom. I will also admit that I had tried jerking off in the shower, but wasn't successful in unleashing the load. Thus my mjuol was at attention. I never gave any feels anyway. It was my house, and nakedness shouldn't really be anything to restrict my freedom while in the house. My house, specifically.
So I just walked out majestically towards the bedroom. As fate would have it, Snyder was coming from the kitchen to do whatever biz she had there. Lights were on. Am stark naked, and she saw my flag raised high.
We just locked eyes, she looked down with a wicked smile and went back to the kitchen. I proceeded to the bedroom and slept as if nothing had happened.
As you know, a woman isn't ready for climbing untill a few months after giving birth. So dryspell was loading. Wanking wasn't enough. I needed the real thing. And having had a scare with a barmaid where I burned my dick (story for another day), I was very cautious where to dip my mjuol. I had settled for Snyder. One evening while khupipi was sleeping, and after not so few cups of jug Daniels, I brought forth talk about the time she saw my nakedness. Asked her what she saw and if she liked it. She blushed and said she can't talk such with me coz am like her father. I told her that in our culture, if a woman sees your nakedness, you must see hers, otherwise a curse will follow her. It is unbelievable how much people value culture. She believed me. In fact, she got worried that this explains why she had had a series of misfortunes in the recent past- including being mugged in kayole a few days earlier, aching tooth, sick parents and such. And I affirmed that it is definitely the reason, and more was to come if she doesn't allow me to see her nakedness. To aid in her decision making, I told her that I have always admired her, and I really don't want to just see her nakedness, but to make her my wife as well. And I explained to her that I would rent a house for her in Umoja and keep her as my wife. In fact, I told her that we can go look for a house coming Sunday. Told her to think about it and give me feedback on Friday. And I went to sleep. On Friday, I got a text from her that "it is ok, future husband". Baas, nikajua Thiga has got circumcised. I called her. Told her it's ok, we will go look for a house on Sunday. The days between then and Sunday were the weirdest in that house. We could barely look at each other.
Come Sunday, I told khupipi am going to shags to meet my parents and tell them that I have a wife and we plan how to pay dowry. She even gave me 1k niwafanyie shopping in appreciation. I texted Snyder and told her to meet me at Nyama Villa after one hour. I proceeded to the place, that time it was 24/7. I took two beers as I waited for her. She came, took a kingfisher, then we went to Umoja from plot to plot "looking for a house". Eventually, we found one that she liked, and I promised to be back tomorrow to pay for it. That was around 11am.
We proceeded to Buru, and had a few more beers. Snyder was exhilarated, and she got more free as she took more kingfishers. We decided to consumerate our love and proceeded to a room at around 2pm. Wadau, nilifyeka msichana wa wenyewe na hasira. I think I exceeded the village threshold. Even though her pussy can't get a slot in the Guinness book of Records, she gave a good game. Plus maji chafu pia huzima moto. Nilimwaga mpaka bone marrow. Raw of course.
Then PNC hit me. It occured to me that I neither have the wherewithal nor the willingness to pay for that house. I had to get creative. So I brought the topic of her moving. I told her it would be unfair to leave my wife before she gets another house help. Plus ataona ni matharau if she moves immediately na wife ajue nimemuweka kama bibi wa pili. I therefore convinced her that it is in the best interests to delay her resignation for a month. I however promised her that I will book the house next day, and requested for more time so that I can buy the furniture before she moves in so that she finds a ready house. And she believed me.
I let her go back home an hour earlier. I passed by Mutindwa and bought some potatoes and kales to take to wife "from my parents". The next few weeks were bliss. We ferked at every available opportunity. Morning before I go to work (on the sofa), a quickie in the shower, a full ferk on Sunday and many others in between. All that while wife is sleeping with the baby
As is wont to happen, a pregnancy ensues whenever two healthy adults ferk without protection. And I have told you before that CDs nikisema vibaya in my vocabulary. She announced her pregnancy one evening on a Saturday after I was out drinking. She had missed her Ps and had gone to a chemist and tested positive for baby. I pretended to be happy, but I knew that spells yet another doomed phase for me.
Anyway naona ngaffana mtarajiwa amemaliza mkutano, so let me summarize by saying that on Monday the coming week, I left home for work and passed by a safaricom agent and bought a new simcard. 13 years later, I have never returned to that house, neither heard from my two "wives".
In my campaign trail yesterday, I met a barmaid called Snyder at one sleepy town called Gobit. I have no understanding why this name Snyder seems a preserve of luhyas, coz it reminded me of a house help we once had by the same name, and she was also a luhya. And a typical luhya she was- tall, dark and handsome. At that time, we had just had our firstborn with my second "wife" (first wife's former mbotch) and were living a moderate life in Komarock phase 5 in a 1br extension. Life was good. As is the design of such houses, the misbotch sleeps in the living room, hiding her stuff behind the sofa during the day. I shall yell you more about the current Snyder ad events unfold.
Although she was taller than me, she was barely 18 and used to call me Uncle, something that used to infuriate me kabisaaa. That name meant that she respected me, and that greatly diminished my chances of getting inside her. See, I have never been one to value looks. I value variety. That's Why I live with the motto that the best pussy is a new pussy. And since I hadn't tasted Snyder's, it means she was the best pussy in the house. And I was determined to hit it at whatever cost.
On this particular day, I had taken Keg at Kioi's and staggered home at whatever time I have no idea. Wife was asleep in the bedroom, so it was Snyder who opened for me, and she hit the blankets even before I got in. I had overdone myself this day, and had puked all over my clothes. I knew khupipi would make a lot of noise, so I went straight to the bathroom cum toilet and took a cold shower. In my drunkenness, I had ignored the need for a towel around my waist. So after shower, it was time to get out with nothing to wrap around my skinny self. My clothes were already soaked wet inside the bathroom. I will also admit that I had tried jerking off in the shower, but wasn't successful in unleashing the load. Thus my mjuol was at attention. I never gave any feels anyway. It was my house, and nakedness shouldn't really be anything to restrict my freedom while in the house. My house, specifically.
So I just walked out majestically towards the bedroom. As fate would have it, Snyder was coming from the kitchen to do whatever biz she had there. Lights were on. Am stark naked, and she saw my flag raised high.
We just locked eyes, she looked down with a wicked smile and went back to the kitchen. I proceeded to the bedroom and slept as if nothing had happened.
As you know, a woman isn't ready for climbing untill a few months after giving birth. So dryspell was loading. Wanking wasn't enough. I needed the real thing. And having had a scare with a barmaid where I burned my dick (story for another day), I was very cautious where to dip my mjuol. I had settled for Snyder. One evening while khupipi was sleeping, and after not so few cups of jug Daniels, I brought forth talk about the time she saw my nakedness. Asked her what she saw and if she liked it. She blushed and said she can't talk such with me coz am like her father. I told her that in our culture, if a woman sees your nakedness, you must see hers, otherwise a curse will follow her. It is unbelievable how much people value culture. She believed me. In fact, she got worried that this explains why she had had a series of misfortunes in the recent past- including being mugged in kayole a few days earlier, aching tooth, sick parents and such. And I affirmed that it is definitely the reason, and more was to come if she doesn't allow me to see her nakedness. To aid in her decision making, I told her that I have always admired her, and I really don't want to just see her nakedness, but to make her my wife as well. And I explained to her that I would rent a house for her in Umoja and keep her as my wife. In fact, I told her that we can go look for a house coming Sunday. Told her to think about it and give me feedback on Friday. And I went to sleep. On Friday, I got a text from her that "it is ok, future husband". Baas, nikajua Thiga has got circumcised. I called her. Told her it's ok, we will go look for a house on Sunday. The days between then and Sunday were the weirdest in that house. We could barely look at each other.
Come Sunday, I told khupipi am going to shags to meet my parents and tell them that I have a wife and we plan how to pay dowry. She even gave me 1k niwafanyie shopping in appreciation. I texted Snyder and told her to meet me at Nyama Villa after one hour. I proceeded to the place, that time it was 24/7. I took two beers as I waited for her. She came, took a kingfisher, then we went to Umoja from plot to plot "looking for a house". Eventually, we found one that she liked, and I promised to be back tomorrow to pay for it. That was around 11am.
We proceeded to Buru, and had a few more beers. Snyder was exhilarated, and she got more free as she took more kingfishers. We decided to consumerate our love and proceeded to a room at around 2pm. Wadau, nilifyeka msichana wa wenyewe na hasira. I think I exceeded the village threshold. Even though her pussy can't get a slot in the Guinness book of Records, she gave a good game. Plus maji chafu pia huzima moto. Nilimwaga mpaka bone marrow. Raw of course.
Then PNC hit me. It occured to me that I neither have the wherewithal nor the willingness to pay for that house. I had to get creative. So I brought the topic of her moving. I told her it would be unfair to leave my wife before she gets another house help. Plus ataona ni matharau if she moves immediately na wife ajue nimemuweka kama bibi wa pili. I therefore convinced her that it is in the best interests to delay her resignation for a month. I however promised her that I will book the house next day, and requested for more time so that I can buy the furniture before she moves in so that she finds a ready house. And she believed me.
I let her go back home an hour earlier. I passed by Mutindwa and bought some potatoes and kales to take to wife "from my parents". The next few weeks were bliss. We ferked at every available opportunity. Morning before I go to work (on the sofa), a quickie in the shower, a full ferk on Sunday and many others in between. All that while wife is sleeping with the baby
As is wont to happen, a pregnancy ensues whenever two healthy adults ferk without protection. And I have told you before that CDs nikisema vibaya in my vocabulary. She announced her pregnancy one evening on a Saturday after I was out drinking. She had missed her Ps and had gone to a chemist and tested positive for baby. I pretended to be happy, but I knew that spells yet another doomed phase for me.
Anyway naona ngaffana mtarajiwa amemaliza mkutano, so let me summarize by saying that on Monday the coming week, I left home for work and passed by a safaricom agent and bought a new simcard. 13 years later, I have never returned to that house, neither heard from my two "wives".
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