AoB friday 5th November 2021

Cortedivoire

Cortedivoire

Elder Lister
Kijiji ya vijana iko Siberia. MMNN is on the ground surveying the situation
Head office ya kijiji ya vijana

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Choo za management
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Turedio spoilt the only mouse ya server

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Turedio trying to explain to MMNN why kuna crash ya server
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MMNN managed to meet the turdmeans who still couldn't explain the outage
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MMNN will keep you posted on any new developments
 
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Mwalimu-G

Mwalimu-G

Elder Lister
Golfing Gals…
November 4, 2021

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of them and he immediately fell to the ground clutching his hands together to his groin, rolling around in obvious agony.
The woman rushed over and immediately began to apologise.
“Please allow me to help, I’m a physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’ll allow me” she told him.
“Oh no I’ll be all right, I’ll be fine in a few minutes” the man grunted, still lying in a foetal position, still clasping his hands at his groin.
“Don’t be silly, Let me help!” she told him and, following her persistence, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them at his sides, she loosened his trousers and put her hand inside. She administered tender and skilful massage for several long minutes and then asked “How does that feel?”
He replied, “It feels terrific, but my thumb still hurts like hell.”
 
Mwalimu-G

Mwalimu-G

Elder Lister
How to be a jerk

Unethical Life Hacks
November 4, 2021
Spill drink in the seat in front of you at the movies to avoid people blocking your view.
if you’re stuck on an annoying call, put your phone on airplane mode instead of just hanging up. The other person will see “call failed” instead of “call ended”.
If the person sitting in front of you on a flight reclines their seat all the way back and leaves you with no room, turn on the air conditioning above you to full blast and point it at the top of their head.
Save business cards of people you don’t like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write “sorry” on the back and leave it on the windshield.
Steal a traffic cone and carry it around in your trunk in case you need to save a really prime parking spot.
If you ever get caught sleeping at your desk at work then say “They told me at the Blood Bank that this would happen!” when asked for a reason.
Pour cheap wine into expensive bottles to serve your guests in order to make them think you are serving them premium stuff. They won’t know the difference.
When you give someone a gift card as a gift, write down the card number and code. Then after a year or two, check the balance and if they hadn’t used it yet, just use it yourself. They obviously won’t know or care.
In your last year of college “lose” your student ID and get a new one. The exp date will reset and you can get another 4 years of discounts.
Donate to homeless shelters in the next town over. The majority of homeless people tend to go where there are available services, and this will reduce the number of homeless in your town.
If you squash a memory foam pillow then fart into it while it expands back out it sucks the fart smell in for 5 or so minutes so when the next person lays their head on it the fart particles get re-released around their head.
 
It's Me Scumbag

It's Me Scumbag

Elder Lister
Mwalimu-G said:
How to be a jerk

Unethical Life Hacks
November 4, 2021
Spill drink in the seat in front of you at the movies to avoid people blocking your view.
if you’re stuck on an annoying call, put your phone on airplane mode instead of just hanging up. The other person will see “call failed” instead of “call ended”.
If the person sitting in front of you on a flight reclines their seat all the way back and leaves you with no room, turn on the air conditioning above you to full blast and point it at the top of their head.
Save business cards of people you don’t like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write “sorry” on the back and leave it on the windshield.
Steal a traffic cone and carry it around in your trunk in case you need to save a really prime parking spot.
If you ever get caught sleeping at your desk at work then say “They told me at the Blood Bank that this would happen!” when asked for a reason.
Pour cheap wine into expensive bottles to serve your guests in order to make them think you are serving them premium stuff. They won’t know the difference.
When you give someone a gift card as a gift, write down the card number and code. Then after a year or two, check the balance and if they hadn’t used it yet, just use it yourself. They obviously won’t know or care.
In your last year of college “lose” your student ID and get a new one. The exp date will reset and you can get another 4 years of discounts.
Donate to homeless shelters in the next town over. The majority of homeless people tend to go where there are available services, and this will reduce the number of homeless in your town.
If you squash a memory foam pillow then fart into it while it expands back out it sucks the fart smell in for 5 or so minutes so when the next person lays their head on it the fart particles get re-released around their head.
Click to expand...
Some are practically useful
 
Aviator

Aviator

Elder Lister
Mwalimu-G said:
How to be a jerk

Unethical Life Hacks
November 4, 2021
Spill drink in the seat in front of you at the movies to avoid people blocking your view.
if you’re stuck on an annoying call, put your phone on airplane mode instead of just hanging up. The other person will see “call failed” instead of “call ended”.
If the person sitting in front of you on a flight reclines their seat all the way back and leaves you with no room, turn on the air conditioning above you to full blast and point it at the top of their head.
Save business cards of people you don’t like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write “sorry” on the back and leave it on the windshield.
Steal a traffic cone and carry it around in your trunk in case you need to save a really prime parking spot.
If you ever get caught sleeping at your desk at work then say “They told me at the Blood Bank that this would happen!” when asked for a reason.
Pour cheap wine into expensive bottles to serve your guests in order to make them think you are serving them premium stuff. They won’t know the difference.
When you give someone a gift card as a gift, write down the card number and code. Then after a year or two, check the balance and if they hadn’t used it yet, just use it yourself. They obviously won’t know or care.
In your last year of college “lose” your student ID and get a new one. The exp date will reset and you can get another 4 years of discounts.
Donate to homeless shelters in the next town over. The majority of homeless people tend to go where there are available services, and this will reduce the number of homeless in your town.
If you squash a memory foam pillow then fart into it while it expands back out it sucks the fart smell in for 5 or so minutes so when the next person lays their head on it the fart particles get re-released around their head.
Click to expand...
And you call me shaito! You are the real shaito.
 
Q

QuadroK4000

Elder Lister
mzeiya said:
I'd rather have such a bozo on the road rather than the Kenyan deres who always use full beam headlights whether it's on a single lane road, in the estate and even when streetlights are working fine.
Sasa kuna wale engine ibilisi wa ukweli who use those ultra-bright LED lights that try to emulate Ongata Rongai ma3s...
Click to expand...
Umeanza ile kitu ka dynasty?
 
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