wrongturn
Elder Lister
Ah, Kenya, the land where corruption has been elevated to an art form, a national sport, perhaps even more popular than the Safari Rally or the Maasai Mara migrations. Here's a breakdown of the Kenyan corruption culture
1. **The Handshake Deal**: In Kenya, a handshake might not just be a greeting; it could be a transaction. You know you're in deep when the strength of your handshake correlates with the size of the "kitu kidogo" (something small) you're expected to part with.
2. **Traffic Stops**: Where else in the world does a traffic stop turn into a spontaneous negotiation session? The Kenyan police have mastered the art of the deal so well, they could give Wall Street a run for its money. "You were speeding, but for a small 'chai' we can forget this happened."
3. **The ' Harambee' Spirit**: Originally, 'Harambee' meant pulling together. Now? It's pulling together enough cash to get your project 'noticed' by the right people. Everyone contributes, not out of goodwill, but in hopes their turn for a 'return on investment' comes soon.
4. **Election Promises**: Politicians in Kenya don't make promises; they auction dreams. And the currency? Votes for future corruption opportunities. They promise bridges where there are no rivers, and when asked about the river? "We'll dig one for the bridge!"
5. **The Civil Service Marathon**: Want a document processed? First, prepare for an epic journey through corridors where every stamp and signature requires a 'facilitation fee'. By the end, you've not only funded several tea breaks but probably a whole tea plantation.
6. **Education System**: Here, getting a school certificate might require you to pass the exam of 'who you know' rather than what you know. And if you're unlucky enough to need a 'certificate of good conduct', well, let's just say good conduct might ironically involve a bit of under-the-table conduct.
7. **The Judiciary**: Where justice sometimes has a price tag, and not in the metaphorical sense. Court cases can drag on until the 'heavier' wallet tips the scales. "Justice delayed is not justice denied; it's just pending negotiation."
8. **The Land of Tenders**: Government tenders in Kenya are like the mythical creatures of lore; everyone talks about them, but only the chosen few ever see them. And when they do appear, they morph to fit the 'highest bidder' with the right connections.
9. **The Kenyan Dream**: Young Kenyans grow up learning the real Kenyan dream isn't owning a home; it's getting a job where you can be on the 'receiving end' of corruption. Because why work hard when you can work 'smart'?
10. **Public Projects**: A road project in Kenya might start with great fanfare and end with a path that mysteriously leads nowhere, much like the funds allocated for it. The road to development is paved with good intentions and mysteriously disappearing asphalt.
"Mambo ni mengi, pesa ni ya nani?"
1. **The Handshake Deal**: In Kenya, a handshake might not just be a greeting; it could be a transaction. You know you're in deep when the strength of your handshake correlates with the size of the "kitu kidogo" (something small) you're expected to part with.
2. **Traffic Stops**: Where else in the world does a traffic stop turn into a spontaneous negotiation session? The Kenyan police have mastered the art of the deal so well, they could give Wall Street a run for its money. "You were speeding, but for a small 'chai' we can forget this happened."
3. **The ' Harambee' Spirit**: Originally, 'Harambee' meant pulling together. Now? It's pulling together enough cash to get your project 'noticed' by the right people. Everyone contributes, not out of goodwill, but in hopes their turn for a 'return on investment' comes soon.
4. **Election Promises**: Politicians in Kenya don't make promises; they auction dreams. And the currency? Votes for future corruption opportunities. They promise bridges where there are no rivers, and when asked about the river? "We'll dig one for the bridge!"
5. **The Civil Service Marathon**: Want a document processed? First, prepare for an epic journey through corridors where every stamp and signature requires a 'facilitation fee'. By the end, you've not only funded several tea breaks but probably a whole tea plantation.
6. **Education System**: Here, getting a school certificate might require you to pass the exam of 'who you know' rather than what you know. And if you're unlucky enough to need a 'certificate of good conduct', well, let's just say good conduct might ironically involve a bit of under-the-table conduct.
7. **The Judiciary**: Where justice sometimes has a price tag, and not in the metaphorical sense. Court cases can drag on until the 'heavier' wallet tips the scales. "Justice delayed is not justice denied; it's just pending negotiation."
8. **The Land of Tenders**: Government tenders in Kenya are like the mythical creatures of lore; everyone talks about them, but only the chosen few ever see them. And when they do appear, they morph to fit the 'highest bidder' with the right connections.
9. **The Kenyan Dream**: Young Kenyans grow up learning the real Kenyan dream isn't owning a home; it's getting a job where you can be on the 'receiving end' of corruption. Because why work hard when you can work 'smart'?
10. **Public Projects**: A road project in Kenya might start with great fanfare and end with a path that mysteriously leads nowhere, much like the funds allocated for it. The road to development is paved with good intentions and mysteriously disappearing asphalt.
"Mambo ni mengi, pesa ni ya nani?"
