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Elder Lister
There is a syndrome popular among some people; the nice guys. They are always obsessed with doing right by others even if they get hurt in the process, and it’s all because they don’t know how to put their foot down and say no. You’ll be surprised to learn that there are people who struggle so hard to make others happy even when they have already done enough! No wonder Dr. Robert Glover wrote about this in No More Mr. Nice Guy. The book is a guide on helping men learn how to say no in a relationship. Sadly, the syndrome cuts across all concepts of life. It is not only in marriages and other relationships. It happens at work, at home, and pretty much everywhere you can think of. Now, the problem is, as soon as someone knows you can’t say no, they will always use you when they get a chance. Doing right by others is a good thing, but eventually, it ends up damaging you when you don’t learn how to say no. It is understandable that you can’t say no, but it isn’t an admirable trait. In fact, one may say yes for the belief that saying no is uncaring, being selfish, or the fact that he or she fears to let people down. Some even fear being disliked, criticized, or risking a friendship. Here is something that you perhaps didn’t know, the fear of saying no is linked to low self-confidence and self-esteem. Such people often feel nervous about antagonizing others hence putting the needs of others before them. Well, it is about damn time you said no to their face. Here are the tips.
Make it Simple
Don’t beat around the bush. Hit the nail on the head and have no qualms afterward. Keep your response direct and simple. “I’m sorry, it is not convenient for me now” or “No, I’m held up with other responsibilities and we can’t do that now” or even better “No, I’m not giving you any money.” Sometimes you don’t need a reason. Just say it and don’t apologize.
Compromise
If you really want to say no, compromise. Suggest something that will work for both of you. Also, you could be yourself and say “I’ll get back to you” then weigh your options. Remember to be yourself and interrupt those yes cycles using such phrases.
Know the Difference Between Refusal and Rejection
While saying no, remember that you are saying so for a request but not a person. When you say no to a request, a favor, people will usually understand, and if they don’t, don’t sweat it.
Don’t Feel Guilty
You have the right to say no, and for any right, you don’t owe no one an explanation. Say no from time to time and develop a sense of self-control. Navigating life without this important skill is a fickle business. Keep it real and straight, let them know who the boss is by setting boundaries.
Knowing Your Value
First of all, saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. Secondly, it means you are realizing that you are valuable and choosing your own opinion comes before others. Living life hellbent on the approval of other people will never make you feel happy, or free for that matter. You are unique, valuable, and important. No one else in this world can offer what you can.
Don’t Lie
This will just breed guilt. An insurmountable level of guilt! Some people lie for fear of saying no. It is not all right at all. Say “No, I can’t” or “No, I don’t want to” and move on. Remember that it is better to say no than to regret later. That said, don’t feel trapped, resentful, or guilty no more. There is freedom in taking control of your life and actions. Challenge yourself, be confident. Just say no. Learn to say no.