Kamnjoro
Lister
Have you ever gotten to a point where you think your life is so messed up that it can't get any worse? Well, Murphy's law states that everything goes wrong at the most inappropriate moment. That was my position in 2017. I had lost my job, my family, my certificates, my car and my Shylock business was wound up to buy my freedom after handling stolen property. I survived by pirating with my many malwares whom we had had a dealing during my good days. Full story is here.
My days were spent doing odd things including mjengo, brokering, conning and ferking. And drinking of course. A good friend (God bless his soul) brokered a deal for the sale of a plot hapo kasarani for 14.3m. His commission want 600k). He gave me 30k roho safi to jump-start my life afresh. That was too much money for someone who didn't have a place to call house, leave alone home. I immediately rented a room pale kajiji (@Kasaman unajua huko) for 1k monthly. I paid for three months. I also bought a mattress, utensils and a mzinga of KC.
As is wont to happen, illicit business became my cashcow. Preregistered SIM cards. The biz was simple. A chokora brings you an ID. You pay him 50 Bob. You register several lines with it and sell at 200. On a normal day, you could sell 5. On a bad day, 2. A good day 8. So cash became plenty. And so did women. Eventually, I opened an Virtual mpesa shop (with a falsely registered line) and this became a center for illicit deals.
2018 found me stable. I had moved to sunton, but still maintained my man cave at kajiji. That was the slaughterhouse for the damsels. They are too many to list here. In June, I visited home. I hired a harrier and my Paros were more than impressed to note that their son is doing well in Nairobi. I bought a ram and made a feast. Mzee was impressed and declared that I should get a ¼ acre piece from his 1 acre. Back to Nairobi, a damsel in distress moved in with me. She had been kicked out of the parents house after selling the mum's calf. She came from a neighborhood village. I was officially married. Nature took it's course, and charity got pregnant in a few thrusts. Either that or she was already with child when she moved in. I foresaw responsibility ahead and panicked. I spent sleepless nights trying to figure out a way out of the situation, but all possible scenarios looked bad. So I did what I do best. I didn't return home one evening. Mancave to the rescue. And obviously I had an endless supply of SIM cards to use. So ghosting her was easy. Life at kajiji continued and biz was good.
Unfortunately, someone snitched on me, and I was arrested by DCI for engaging in illegal sale of telecommunications equipment. That is what my charge sheet read when I was presented to court on
25th Oct 2018. I denied and denied, and was in remand for 7 months till my case was dismissed. I was unimpressed by the incompetence of our investigating officers. They only had circumstancial evidence which wasn't sufficient to secure my conviction. Life in Inda was not as bad as you guys would want to believe. And before you ask, sikuchunishwa kales. I later learnt that Charity had moved back to the village after reconciling with her parents, and had a month old baby. She had gone looking for me at home when I was rotting in rumande.
June 2019 found me free but at zero again. I decided to engage in honest biz and start my life anew. So I hired a mkokoteni and started selling water. It was good but tiring. Even a donkey would complain. An opportunity came in November when a client developed too much trust in me. How can a mzee of almost 60 entrust me with his millions? This guy was putting up a flat pale Muirigo and he contracted me to deliver water. At 50 Bob per drum. In a day, they needed like 20 drums but the client trusted me to tell him how many I delivered. So I always "delivered" 50. I got two guys whom I was paying 1k to get the water. The cart was hired at 500. The client was paying 2500. So on a normal day, I had a net of 1k for doing absolute zero. But this was not enough coz I needed to drink and impress my new girl at mwiki. So, I used to ferry some chuma and cement from the site and got a good reward from the site supervisor. That meant an extra 1k daily for this.
By now, I should have known that crime never pays, coz eventually we got caught, red-handed. Thank my swiftness coz niliponyoka unyoya and the lazy cops couldn't match my speed. I left the loaded mkokoteni and took the direction of kayole and only stopped running once I crossed the road at Komarock. I had cash in the pocket and it was easy to secure a house and buy the basics. One thing I have learnt is to be selfcontained at all times, such that if need arises, you don't have to look back to where you came from. So I never stepped back to kajiji. Reliable reports indicated that the cops were ever asking around for me. The mkokoteni owner was looking for my head. It was time to get an alias. Life had to go on.
So I threw away all the 13 ID cards that I had, the phone plus it's three falsely registered SIM cards and bought a military mwizi and registered a new line with my name. But that was after applying for some loans from Tala, branch, Okash and a host of other lenders. I had around 17k as my retirement package.
To be continued.
My days were spent doing odd things including mjengo, brokering, conning and ferking. And drinking of course. A good friend (God bless his soul) brokered a deal for the sale of a plot hapo kasarani for 14.3m. His commission want 600k). He gave me 30k roho safi to jump-start my life afresh. That was too much money for someone who didn't have a place to call house, leave alone home. I immediately rented a room pale kajiji (@Kasaman unajua huko) for 1k monthly. I paid for three months. I also bought a mattress, utensils and a mzinga of KC.
As is wont to happen, illicit business became my cashcow. Preregistered SIM cards. The biz was simple. A chokora brings you an ID. You pay him 50 Bob. You register several lines with it and sell at 200. On a normal day, you could sell 5. On a bad day, 2. A good day 8. So cash became plenty. And so did women. Eventually, I opened an Virtual mpesa shop (with a falsely registered line) and this became a center for illicit deals.
2018 found me stable. I had moved to sunton, but still maintained my man cave at kajiji. That was the slaughterhouse for the damsels. They are too many to list here. In June, I visited home. I hired a harrier and my Paros were more than impressed to note that their son is doing well in Nairobi. I bought a ram and made a feast. Mzee was impressed and declared that I should get a ¼ acre piece from his 1 acre. Back to Nairobi, a damsel in distress moved in with me. She had been kicked out of the parents house after selling the mum's calf. She came from a neighborhood village. I was officially married. Nature took it's course, and charity got pregnant in a few thrusts. Either that or she was already with child when she moved in. I foresaw responsibility ahead and panicked. I spent sleepless nights trying to figure out a way out of the situation, but all possible scenarios looked bad. So I did what I do best. I didn't return home one evening. Mancave to the rescue. And obviously I had an endless supply of SIM cards to use. So ghosting her was easy. Life at kajiji continued and biz was good.
Unfortunately, someone snitched on me, and I was arrested by DCI for engaging in illegal sale of telecommunications equipment. That is what my charge sheet read when I was presented to court on
25th Oct 2018. I denied and denied, and was in remand for 7 months till my case was dismissed. I was unimpressed by the incompetence of our investigating officers. They only had circumstancial evidence which wasn't sufficient to secure my conviction. Life in Inda was not as bad as you guys would want to believe. And before you ask, sikuchunishwa kales. I later learnt that Charity had moved back to the village after reconciling with her parents, and had a month old baby. She had gone looking for me at home when I was rotting in rumande.
June 2019 found me free but at zero again. I decided to engage in honest biz and start my life anew. So I hired a mkokoteni and started selling water. It was good but tiring. Even a donkey would complain. An opportunity came in November when a client developed too much trust in me. How can a mzee of almost 60 entrust me with his millions? This guy was putting up a flat pale Muirigo and he contracted me to deliver water. At 50 Bob per drum. In a day, they needed like 20 drums but the client trusted me to tell him how many I delivered. So I always "delivered" 50. I got two guys whom I was paying 1k to get the water. The cart was hired at 500. The client was paying 2500. So on a normal day, I had a net of 1k for doing absolute zero. But this was not enough coz I needed to drink and impress my new girl at mwiki. So, I used to ferry some chuma and cement from the site and got a good reward from the site supervisor. That meant an extra 1k daily for this.
By now, I should have known that crime never pays, coz eventually we got caught, red-handed. Thank my swiftness coz niliponyoka unyoya and the lazy cops couldn't match my speed. I left the loaded mkokoteni and took the direction of kayole and only stopped running once I crossed the road at Komarock. I had cash in the pocket and it was easy to secure a house and buy the basics. One thing I have learnt is to be selfcontained at all times, such that if need arises, you don't have to look back to where you came from. So I never stepped back to kajiji. Reliable reports indicated that the cops were ever asking around for me. The mkokoteni owner was looking for my head. It was time to get an alias. Life had to go on.
So I threw away all the 13 ID cards that I had, the phone plus it's three falsely registered SIM cards and bought a military mwizi and registered a new line with my name. But that was after applying for some loans from Tala, branch, Okash and a host of other lenders. I had around 17k as my retirement package.
To be continued.
