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Hate him or like him, The Oracle of Ndeiya is never wrong. Await my earth-shaking prophecy on The Thug of Sugoi. The ngomi are still talking to me. It is epic.

I know it's none of our business, but the ngomi of my people advise that the US elections will go to Trump. The implications? A speedier demise of the American evil empire. Greater tensions with China. The Nazi comedian Zelensky is ferked. A full genocide of the Palestinians. Less alphabet...

She was just 22. A daughter really, though no blood relation. A Corinthian. Not even educated. But extremely lovely and beautiful. Respectful. Bubbly and always happy. A breath of fresh air. As she served me tea where she worked she would tease me. "Guks, mbona hujanyoa ndevu leo. Hauna pesa...

Yaani hakuna mtu anaweza fanya welfare check on me? Kai mukoragwo na ngui mutwe? Niweke pris?

Kuna kitu mimi husema hapa mnanitukana. IF PEOPLE BREED LIKE RATS, THERE'S NOTHING EVEN JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF CAN DO TO AMERIOLATE/BETTER THE SITUATION. I have said this over and over and over again, but I am always met with abuse. The default, delusional kneejerk boogieman that you all pull...

Ni conspiracy theory lakini. What are the odds that the highest-ranking Njaruo in the military, Gen. Ogolla, who allegedly tried to subvert the presidential election, and the highest-ranking Njaruo in the intelligence community, Adala, who was close to the Odingas and prolly illegally fed...

The elections there zimeshtua banae. ANC could just slip below 40 per cent. Crazily, a mzungu-led party is at 22 per cent. And our darling Malema ako huko 9 per cent kama loser Babuon (sori, can't help it) thanks to his silly pan-Africanisy approach (all politics is local). Halafu the Zulus...

Don't be quick to judge. That could be you a few months from now. Given the eagerness to align with the West, we could soon be fighting other people's battles, as we revert to that era where Western companies had a field day delivering air in government contracts. Like Reply -------- This was...

I have said here that the West - beberus - are self-destructing so fast it's unbelievable. How do you put Putin on an ICC warrant? It means you then have to put Netanyahu. Now, Netanyahu cannot visit the entire of Europe. He's not even allowed to overfly it. If Europe does not arrest...

Though you refuse to obey me, yet do I still love you my boy. Listen to Mozart's 'laudete dominum'. Somehow I cannot attach it, perhaps because it's 2.30am and I am high. I will remain, even when I am gone.

I mean your wide botanical knowledge. Nilikuwa nafanya mazoezi ya kufyeka na slasher plot ingine huku Ndeiya and I came across this plant. I am tempted to domesticate it as an ornamental plant lakini sitaki hawa jamaaz wa Zakayo waje waseme nimepanda coca or some other shit like that...

Kitambo I remember we used to envy Nairobians, the people who lived in the city of lights (Kiamatawa). Piped water, street lights, paved roads, nyumba poa, choo za kuflash.... The situation was hata kukiwa na function ocha 'watu wa Nairobi' were treated like minor celebrities. Place yao special...

Utatoanishwa... Parlour (brothel) Chapel. Academy. Lounge. Fine dining. Ongezeeni....

Your agemates now are busy in the banks borrowing good money to fund their mega projects. Alafu sasa kuna wewe hapa unatusumbua kulipa 1900_INSTEAD_OF_3230_KeCredit_PAYBILL_4089103. SHAME!!! ON!!! YOU!!!! SHAAAAAME ON YOUUU *8* !!! See your life!!.

So yesterday afternoon nilikuwa free. I decided to kufyeka nyasi at the hacienda. Kidogo kidogo my uncovered forearms started itching like crazy. It was so bad I had to sit down and scratch, true story. Kidogo kidogo this lady friend, Wachu, passed by and told me, old foolish Mzee stop...

You meet a girl. She's a waitress in a dingy bar at the shopping centre. About 19. A 6-ft Kale with the longest legs you've seen and no ounce of fat. A girl who can make a 78-year old PreCambrian proto-prganism very happy by papasaring his long extinct makagaresmo, even if the mucuthiski does...

Wooie pris...

Are Israelis the real demons?