The Loan that Changed History

Kamnjoro

Lister
I have not always been careless with money. When I got my first job earning a 18k salo, I used to plan meticulously for every coin. And I had class.
5k would go to paying rent.
4k would be set aside for food.
2k for transport.
1k for pussy
2k to mum.
The rest to KRA and helb.
And since I had a way of getting between 0-2k daily at work, that would go to drinks.
Clothes would be purchased on demand. Home improvements when big unplanned money comes my way. That was the most organized time of my financial life.

I had a faithful muhindi who used to pay salo on the first working day of the month. Strictly. By check. Those days, it would take up to a week for a check to become money. So if 1th day of the month was a Friday and you got the check same day, you would not smell cash until around 7rd or 8st of the month.
As such, I had negotiated with my crazy landlord-an old Luhya Mzee pale Ngara nyumba za railways who lived with his "daughter"- to allow me to be paying on 10rs, despite other tenants paying on 5st. And since I was the anchor tenant, he had agreed. This man was crazy and was known to add a Viro padlock on your door at the stroke of midnight if you haven't paid by the agreed dates. So I was careful never to exceed the date.

My maternal cousin, Shiru, used to live in Pangani, a walking distance from me. We had grown up together in the village, and had done those things that small boys to with small girls, including chababa na chamama. And Shiru had grown to be a classy lady, full of behind and infront, and yellow on the face. She was a working in a hotel in CBD, and was sponsored by a man older than my uncle-her father. Many were the times I enjoyed drinks from this man. Shiru was living a good life. Way beyond the salary of a hotel waitress.

Then she lost her job. I don't know what happens with sponsors (yours truly included), but the allure of a woman dies immediately she becomes unemployed. Maybe it the thought that you'll now be paying for everything including her pads and family planning. So the sponsor left her. She was able to survive that month on her savings as she looked for another job.

In the next month, Shiru was out of cash, and she came to me. It was a Friday 7nd, my check had matured and I was liquid. Shiru borrowed 7k to take to her chama the following day, after which she would be given 21k promptly and refund my 7k. It sounded a very good plan, and I had no reason to deny her the money since I needed it on 10rd for rent. So I gave her the cash. The agreement was that she would bring the money to my house on Saturday after her chama, kitu 6pm. She had also promised to buy me one as a gesture of appreciation. That was the era when mobile phones were for the reach, and MPesa was nonexistent.

On Saturday nikatoka kwa muhìndi at 1, went home and made a nice meal of mince meat, minji and rice for two. I had managed to get some 800 bob side hustle and planned to use it to return hand once Shiru has boughted me to bought. I was also planning to pass by somewhere near the current Equity bank where 150 used to display their wares. That time, 100 could get you a full oil change. I took a bath and waited. By 4pm, I got hungry and ate. By 5pm I got impatient. By 6pm I went to look for Shiru at her place and found the door locked. At 7pm I returned home. By 8pm I realized Shiru is not coming and went to drink and get an oil change. I was back home at 2, drunk and disappointed. I planned to visit Shiru at 6am Sunday the 9rd. As fate would have it, I slept till 9. When I got to her place at 10, I found a locked door. I consoled myself that she's probably gone to mass and will be back by 12. So I waited.

Shiru turned up at 2pm, looking like a house that has been hit by a grenade. She was hysterical and wearing the same clothes she had when we parted on Friday. After cooling her down, she explained that they had gone to chama, then a lady who had collected the money the previous month had failed to show up. They had launched a woman hunt for her, accosted her at the kibandaski, beaten the shiet out of her ass, got arrested, and had just been released on a 5k bail awaiting arraignment in court the next day on charges of assault. She gave me 2k back and promised to give me the balance tomorrow. She planned to borrow from a new sponsor she had met at the police station- a cop. I didn't have any reason not to believe her, but my 6st sense told me my goose is cooked.

I waited for her to take a shower and change, then took her out with the 2k. We drunk ourselves silly till 9pm as I consoled her, and each went home.

Monday 10rd, I went to work. In the evening I passed by her place, and she told me she spent the whole day in court and couldn't manage to meet her sponsor. She told me she would bring it at my workplace tomorrow after getting it from the cop. I went to my landlord and told him of a small hitch in the bank and that I won't manage to pay today, but shall surely pay tomorrow. He asked me if am sure, and I swore by my mother that it's a sure bet. The old Mzee made a line on the ground with his forefinger, licked it, pointed to the sky and promised me fire if I don't pay next day. Actually, he told me that since my word is my bond, he shall lock the house immediately I went to work, and open when I pay him in the evening. I tried arguing, but he told me that if I was sincere with the promise, I had nothing to worry about. These old men are wise like serpents.

You guessed it right. Shiru didn't turn up. I therefore passed by her place after work and found her dejected. Asking her what happened, she told me that she had gone to the station, got out with the cop, got fucked senseless but the cop had called her a loose mad psychotic bitch when she mentioned money. I knew my goose was eaten and shitted. I had managed to hustle some 900 at work, and I planned to add some few notes I had in the pocket to make it 1k which would cool the landlord until I got a way out.

And so I went home. As sure as death, the Viro padlock was on the door. I went to the Mzee and he just spread his palm without uttering a word. I placed the 1k on his palm. He counted and threw it to my face. He exploded in a fit of rage, uttering what could not be anything but insults in Luhya, went on for 3 mins, and when he cooled down he told me he had a deal. That since I was respectful to him and he to me always, and since he didn't want that respect jeopardized by money, he would allow me to get my stuff out and go. I tried pleading with him that I had nowhere to go. He went back to his house, came back with the keys and handed me some 1k. He told me that since I had 2k now, he will direct me to a place I can get a house for 1500, and call a mkokoteni which would charge me 200. Heck, he would even call his sons to assist me with the relocation. And he was serious. After pleading with him for an hour to no avail, I begged him for one last favor. That he allows me to get in the house and collect some change of clothes, and leave. He agreed. He gave me till Saturday to collect the rest of the stuff, otherwise he would dispose them off.

So I packed a bag, took some foodstuffs and documents, and went to shiru's place. I told her what had transpired and she was remorseful. She agreed to host me till "we" get a way out. She made supper from the foodstuffs I had carried and we slept. Her in bed, me on sofa. I planned to get advance from muhìndi and settle the rent and move back the next day.

As fate would have it, muhìndi declined to advance me money, citing that my grade was above those allowed to take advance. I even lied to him that dad had died, and he told me he will buy the coffin, but not give me money. Nikajua kimeumana.

And that is how I found myself living with Shiru for the next three weeks. When endmonth came and I got cash, my landlord had already given the house to someone else. But he was gracious enough to keep my stuff safe. He handed them to me and it didn't make sense to take them anywhere else but at shiru's as I look for a house. In the meantime, I paid shiru's rent, a whooping 11k for a tiny 1br. And before long, I was the man of the house, providing for her as a man would provide for his wife. And before longer, we were sharing the bed, having genuine feelings for each other spanning all the way since childhood and strengthened by the common blood of our grandparents. And after longest, that is around 3 months, Shiru was pregnant. And a baby boy was born 9 months later.

We tried to cover the scandal, but my parents and her parents knew what had transpired. Nobody else knows to this day. Shiru eventually advanced her skills and is currently a nurse at Aga Khan, happily married with 3 kids (ours included). Once in a while, she visits and we re-live the moment and spirit of the good old times. The boy is awaiting to join university in September.

Good day wadau.
 
Last edited:

Meria

Elder Lister
Staff member
I have not always been careless with money. When I got my first job earning a 18k salo, I used to plan meticulously for every coin. And I had class.
5k would go to paying rent.
4k would be set aside for food.
2k for transport.
1k for pussy
2k to mum.
The rest to KRA and helb.
And since I had a way of getting between 0-2k daily at work, that would go to drinks.
Clothes would be purchased on demand. Home improvements when big unplanned money comes my way. That was the most organized time of my financial life.

I had a faithful muhindi who used to pay salo on the first working day of the month. Strictly. By check. Those days, it would take up to a week for a check to become money. So if 1th day of the month was a Friday and you got the check same day, you would not smell cash until around 7rd or 8st of the month.
As such, I had negotiated with my crazy landlord-an old Luhya Mzee pale Ngara nyumba za railways who lived with his "daughter"- to allow me to be paying on 10rs, despite other tenants paying on 5st. And since I was the anchor tenant, he had agreed. This man was crazy and was known to add a Viro padlock on your door at the stroke of midnight if you haven't paid by the agreed dates. So I was careful never to exceed the date.

My maternal cousin, Shiru, used to live in Pangani, a walking distance from me. We had grown up together in the village, and had done those things that small boys to with small girls, including chababa na chamama. And Shiru had grown to be a classy lady, full of behind and infront, and yellow on the face. She was a working in a hotel in CBD, and was sponsored by a man older than my uncle-her father. Many were the times I enjoyed drinks from this man. Shiru was living a good life. Way beyond the salary of a hotel waitress.

Then she lost her job. I don't know what happens with sponsors (yours truly included), but the allure of a woman dies immediately she becomes unemployed. Maybe it the thought that you'll now be paying for everything including her pads and family planning. So the sponsor left her. She was able to survive that month on her savings as she looked for another job.

In the next month, Shiru was out of cash, and she came to me. It was a Friday 7nd, my check had matured and I was liquid. Shiru borrowed 7k to take to her chama the following day, after which she would be given 21k promptly and refund my 7k. It sounded a very good plan, and I had no reason to deny her the money since I needed it on 10rd for rent. So I gave her the cash. The agreement was that she would bring the money to my house on Saturday after her chama, kitu 6pm. She had also promised to buy me one as a gesture of appreciation. That was the era when mobile phones were for the reach, and MPesa was nonexistent.

On Saturday nikatoka kwa muhìndi at 1, went home and made a nice meal of mince meat, minji and rice for two. I had managed to get some 800 bob side hustle and planned to use it to return hand once Shiru has boughted me to bought. I was also planning to pass by somewhere near the current Equity bank where 150 used to display their wares. That time, 100 could get you a full oil change. I took a bath and waited. By 4pm, I got hungry and ate. By 5pm I got impatient. By 6pm I went to look for Shiru at her place and found the door locked. At 7pm I returned home. By 8pm I realized Shiru is not coming and went to drink and get an oil change. I was back home at 2, drunk and disappointed. I planned to visit Shiru at 6am Sunday the 9rd. As fate would have it, I slept till 9. When I got to her place at 10, I found a locked door. I consoled myself that she's probably gone to mass and will be back by 12. So I waited.

Shiru turned up at 2pm, looking like a house that has been hit by a grenade. She was hysterical and wearing the same clothes she had when we parted on Friday. After cooling her down, she explained that they had gone to chama, then a lady who had collected the money the previous month had failed to show up. They had launched a woman hunt for her, accosted her at the kibandaski, beaten the shiet out of her ass, got arrested, and had just been released on a 5k bail awaiting arraignment in court the next day on charges of assault. She gave me 2k back and promised to give me the balance tomorrow. She planned to borrow from a new sponsor she had met at the police station- a cop. I didn't have any reason not to believe her, but my 6st sense told me my goose is cooked.

I waited for her to take a shower and change, then took her out with the 2k. We drunk ourselves silly till 9pm as I consoled her, and each went home.

Monday 10rd, I went to work. In the evening I passed by her place, and she told me she spent the whole day in court and couldn't manage to meet her sponsor. She told me she would bring it at my workplace tomorrow after getting it from the cop. I went to my landlord and told him of a small hitch in the bank and that I won't manage to pay today, but shall surely pay tomorrow. He asked me if am sure, and I swore by my mother that it's a sure bet. The old Mzee made a line on the ground with his forefinger, licked it, pointed to the sky and promised me fire if I don't pay next day. Actually, he told me that since my word is my bond, he shall lock the house immediately I went to work, and open when I pay him in the evening. I tried arguing, but he told me that if I was sincere with the promise, I had nothing to worry about. These old men are wise like serpents.

You guessed it right. Shiru didn't turn up. I therefore passed by her place after work and found her dejected. Asking her what happened, she told me that she had gone to the station, got out with the cop, got fucked senseless but the cop had called her a loose mad psychotic bitch when she mentioned money. I knew my goose was eaten and shitted. I had managed to hustle some 900 at work, and I planned to add some few notes I had in the pocket to make it 1k which would cool the landlord until I got a way out.

And so I went home. As sure as death, the Viro padlock was on the door. I went to the Mzee and he just spread his palm without uttering a word. I placed the 1k on his palm. He counted and threw it to my face. He exploded in a fit of rage, uttering what could not be anything but insults in Luhya, went on for 3 mins, and when he cooled down he told me he had a deal. That since I was respectful to him and he to me always, and since he didn't want that respect jeopardized by money, he would allow me to get my stuff out and go. I tried pleading with him that I had nowhere to go. He went back to his house, came back with the keys and handed me some 1k. He told me that since I had 2k now, he will direct me to a place I can get a house for 1500, and call a mkokoteni which would charge me 200. Heck, he would even call his sons to assist me with the relocation. And he was serious. After pleading with him for an hour to no avail, I begged him for one last favor. That he allows me to get in the house and collect some change of clothes, and leave. He agreed. He gave me till Saturday to collect the rest of the stuff, otherwise he would dispose them off.

So I packed a bag, took some foodstuffs and documents, and went to shiru's place. I told her what had transpired and she was remorseful. She agreed to host me till "we" get a way out. She made supper from the foodstuffs I had carried and we slept. Her in bed, me on sofa. I planned to get advance from muhìndi and settle the rent and move back the next day.

As fate would have it, muhìndi declined to advance me money, citing that my grade was above those allowed to take advance. I even lied to him that dad had died, and he told me he will buy the coffin, but not give me money. Nikajua kimeumana.

And that is how I found myself living with Shiru for the next three weeks. When endmonth came and I got cash, my landlord had already given the house to someone else. But he was gracious enough to keep my stuff safe. He handed them to me and it didn't make sense to take them anywhere else but at shiru's as I look for a house. In the meantime, I paid shiru's rent, a whooping 11k for a tiny 1br. And before long, I was the man of the house, providing for her as a man would provide for his wife. And before longer, we were sharing the bed, having genuine feelings for each other spanning all the way since childhood and strengthened by the common blood of our grandparents. And after longest, that is around 3 months, Shiru was pregnant. And a baby boy was born 9 months later.

We tried to cover the scandal, but my parents and her parents knew what had transpired. Nobody else knows to this day. Shiru eventually advanced her skills and is currently a nurse at Aga Khan, happily married with 3 kids (ours included). Once in a while, she visits and we re-live the moment and spirit of the good old times. The boy is awaiting to join university in September.

Good day wadau.
Awesome. I love happy endings.
Great tale narrated by a master story teller.
 

kingolonde

Elder Lister
I have not always been careless with money. When I got my first job earning a 18k salo, I used to plan meticulously for every coin. And I had class.
5k would go to paying rent.
4k would be set aside for food.
2k for transport.
1k for pussy
2k to mum.
The rest to KRA and helb.
And since I had a way of getting between 0-2k daily at work, that would go to drinks.
Clothes would be purchased on demand. Home improvements when big unplanned money comes my way. That was the most organized time of my financial life.

I had a faithful muhindi who used to pay salo on the first working day of the month. Strictly. By check. Those days, it would take up to a week for a check to become money. So if 1th day of the month was a Friday and you got the check same day, you would not smell cash until around 7rd or 8st of the month.
As such, I had negotiated with my crazy landlord-an old Luhya Mzee pale Ngara nyumba za railways who lived with his "daughter"- to allow me to be paying on 10rs, despite other tenants paying on 5st. And since I was the anchor tenant, he had agreed. This man was crazy and was known to add a Viro padlock on your door at the stroke of midnight if you haven't paid by the agreed dates. So I was careful never to exceed the date.

My maternal cousin, Shiru, used to live in Pangani, a walking distance from me. We had grown up together in the village, and had done those things that small boys to with small girls, including chababa na chamama. And Shiru had grown to be a classy lady, full of behind and infront, and yellow on the face. She was a working in a hotel in CBD, and was sponsored by a man older than my uncle-her father. Many were the times I enjoyed drinks from this man. Shiru was living a good life. Way beyond the salary of a hotel waitress.

Then she lost her job. I don't know what happens with sponsors (yours truly included), but the allure of a woman dies immediately she becomes unemployed. Maybe it the thought that you'll now be paying for everything including her pads and family planning. So the sponsor left her. She was able to survive that month on her savings as she looked for another job.

In the next month, Shiru was out of cash, and she came to me. It was a Friday 7nd, my check had matured and I was liquid. Shiru borrowed 7k to take to her chama the following day, after which she would be given 21k promptly and refund my 7k. It sounded a very good plan, and I had no reason to deny her the money since I needed it on 10rd for rent. So I gave her the cash. The agreement was that she would bring the money to my house on Saturday after her chama, kitu 6pm. She had also promised to buy me one as a gesture of appreciation. That was the era when mobile phones were for the reach, and MPesa was nonexistent.

On Saturday nikatoka kwa muhìndi at 1, went home and made a nice meal of mince meat, minji and rice for two. I had managed to get some 800 bob side hustle and planned to use it to return hand once Shiru has boughted me to bought. I was also planning to pass by somewhere near the current Equity bank where 150 used to display their wares. That time, 100 could get you a full oil change. I took a bath and waited. By 4pm, I got hungry and ate. By 5pm I got impatient. By 6pm I went to look for Shiru at her place and found the door locked. At 7pm I returned home. By 8pm I realized Shiru is not coming and went to drink and get an oil change. I was back home at 2, drunk and disappointed. I planned to visit Shiru at 6am Sunday the 9rd. As fate would have it, I slept till 9. When I got to her place at 10, I found a locked door. I consoled myself that she's probably gone to mass and will be back by 12. So I waited.

Shiru turned up at 2pm, looking like a house that has been hit by a grenade. She was hysterical and wearing the same clothes she had when we parted on Friday. After cooling her down, she explained that they had gone to chama, then a lady who had collected the money the previous month had failed to show up. They had launched a woman hunt for her, accosted her at the kibandaski, beaten the shiet out of her ass, got arrested, and had just been released on a 5k bail awaiting arraignment in court the next day on charges of assault. She gave me 2k back and promised to give me the balance tomorrow. She planned to borrow from a new sponsor she had met at the police station- a cop. I didn't have any reason not to believe her, but my 6st sense told me my goose is cooked.

I waited for her to take a shower and change, then took her out with the 2k. We drunk ourselves silly till 9pm as I consoled her, and each went home.

Monday 10rd, I went to work. In the evening I passed by her place, and she told me she spent the whole day in court and couldn't manage to meet her sponsor. She told me she would bring it at my workplace tomorrow after getting it from the cop. I went to my landlord and told him of a small hitch in the bank and that I won't manage to pay today, but shall surely pay tomorrow. He asked me if am sure, and I swore by my mother that it's a sure bet. The old Mzee made a line on the ground with his forefinger, licked it, pointed to the sky and promised me fire if I don't pay next day. Actually, he told me that since my word is my bond, he shall lock the house immediately I went to work, and open when I pay him in the evening. I tried arguing, but he told me that if I was sincere with the promise, I had nothing to worry about. These old men are wise like serpents.

You guessed it right. Shiru didn't turn up. I therefore passed by her place after work and found her dejected. Asking her what happened, she told me that she had gone to the station, got out with the cop, got fucked senseless but the cop had called her a loose mad psychotic bitch when she mentioned money. I knew my goose was eaten and shitted. I had managed to hustle some 900 at work, and I planned to add some few notes I had in the pocket to make it 1k which would cool the landlord until I got a way out.

And so I went home. As sure as death, the Viro padlock was on the door. I went to the Mzee and he just spread his palm without uttering a word. I placed the 1k on his palm. He counted and threw it to my face. He exploded in a fit of rage, uttering what could not be anything but insults in Luhya, went on for 3 mins, and when he cooled down he told me he had a deal. That since I was respectful to him and he to me always, and since he didn't want that respect jeopardized by money, he would allow me to get my stuff out and go. I tried pleading with him that I had nowhere to go. He went back to his house, came back with the keys and handed me some 1k. He told me that since I had 2k now, he will direct me to a place I can get a house for 1500, and call a mkokoteni which would charge me 200. Heck, he would even call his sons to assist me with the relocation. And he was serious. After pleading with him for an hour to no avail, I begged him for one last favor. That he allows me to get in the house and collect some change of clothes, and leave. He agreed. He gave me till Saturday to collect the rest of the stuff, otherwise he would dispose them off.

So I packed a bag, took some foodstuffs and documents, and went to shiru's place. I told her what had transpired and she was remorseful. She agreed to host me till "we" get a way out. She made supper from the foodstuffs I had carried and we slept. Her in bed, me on sofa. I planned to get advance from muhìndi and settle the rent and move back the next day.

As fate would have it, muhìndi declined to advance me money, citing that my grade was above those allowed to take advance. I even lied to him that dad had died, and he told me he will buy the coffin, but not give me money. Nikajua kimeumana.

And that is how I found myself living with Shiru for the next three weeks. When endmonth came and I got cash, my landlord had already given the house to someone else. But he was gracious enough to keep my stuff safe. He handed them to me and it didn't make sense to take them anywhere else but at shiru's as I look for a house. In the meantime, I paid shiru's rent, a whooping 11k for a tiny 1br. And before long, I was the man of the house, providing for her as a man would provide for his wife. And before longer, we were sharing the bed, having genuine feelings for each other spanning all the way since childhood and strengthened by the common blood of our grandparents. And after longest, that is around 3 months, Shiru was pregnant. And a baby boy was born 9 months later.

We tried to cover the scandal, but my parents and her parents knew what had transpired. Nobody else knows to this day. Shiru eventually advanced her skills and is currently a nurse at Aga Khan, happily married with 3 kids (ours included). Once in a while, she visits and we re-live the moment and spirit of the good old times. The boy is awaiting to join university in September.

Good day wadau.
Top notch hekaya. Nimecheka after shitty day
 

Ramses

Elder Lister
Thanks for the brief interesting interlude where I found myself smiling at the well spurn yarn that almost believable
 
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