Served Cold I

Berlin

Senior Lister
The awful din only seemed to get louder until the half covered figure under the smelly blanket could take it no more, he sat up abruptly his face a mask of total calm.
642d30b50458b3f502d3d625feed2888.jpg

Gingerly he stepped from the bed and approached the grimy and cracked window, peeking over he saw that the sun was just about setting down drawing a golden tinge in the horizon.

A small smile spread on his cracked lips.. '"it's time' '

He glanced about the tiny bed shitter and felt his skin crawl at the amount of clutter around, the smell of stale food and cheap cigarettes did little to dampen his mood. He had successfully attained his two year goal and the last part seemed to him a walk over.

His clothes were rumpled in a dirty heap at the space behind the door, he walked over and selected a dark t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He slid into his dirty clothes not once bothered by the layer of dust.

Carefully he reached under the tattered paper carpet and pulled out a neatly sealed brown envelope, in it was his ticket to fulfill his silent vow of revenge. He reached out to his faded green jacket and donned it, feeling into his pocket he found the whisky flask and filled it with water.

Taking a deep breathe he opened his rusty door and pretended to stagger out of his hovel, barely hiding his cruel smile.

'it was time'
 

Ramses

Elder Lister
The awful din only seemed to get louder until the half covered figure under the smelly blanket could take it no more, he sat up abruptly his face a mask of total calm.
View attachment 35069
Gingerly he stepped from the bed and approached the grimy and cracked window, peeking over he saw that the sun was just about setting down drawing a golden tinge in the horizon.

A small smile spread on his cracked lips.. '"it's time' '

He glanced about the tiny bed shitter and felt his skin crawl at the amount of clutter around, the smell of stale food and cheap cigarettes did little to dampen his mood. He had successfully attained his two year goal and the last part seemed to him a walk over.

His clothes were rumpled in a dirty heap at the space behind the door, he walked over and selected a dark t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He slid into his dirty clothes not once bothered by the layer of dust.

Carefully he reached under the tattered paper carpet and pulled out a neatly sealed brown envelope, in it was his ticket to fulfill his silent vow of revenge. He reached out to his faded green jacket and donned it, feeling into his pocket he found the whisky flask and filled it with water.

Taking a deep breathe he opened his rusty door and pretended to stagger out of his hovel, barely hiding his cruel smile.

'it was time'
This style takes me many years back when James Hardley Chase was my hero
 

It's Me Scumbag

Elder Lister
The awful din only seemed to get louder until the half covered figure under the smelly blanket could take it no more, he sat up abruptly his face a mask of total calm.
View attachment 35069
Gingerly he stepped from the bed and approached the grimy and cracked window, peeking over he saw that the sun was just about setting down drawing a golden tinge in the horizon.

A small smile spread on his cracked lips.. '"it's time' '

He glanced about the tiny bed shitter and felt his skin crawl at the amount of clutter around, the smell of stale food and cheap cigarettes did little to dampen his mood. He had successfully attained his two year goal and the last part seemed to him a walk over.

His clothes were rumpled in a dirty heap at the space behind the door, he walked over and selected a dark t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He slid into his dirty clothes not once bothered by the layer of dust.

Carefully he reached under the tattered paper carpet and pulled out a neatly sealed brown envelope, in it was his ticket to fulfill his silent vow of revenge. He reached out to his faded green jacket and donned it, feeling into his pocket he found the whisky flask and filled it with water.

Taking a deep breathe he opened his rusty door and pretended to stagger out of his hovel, barely hiding his cruel smile.

'it was time'
And it is about time you finished this hekaya...not!
 

It's Me Scumbag

Elder Lister
Perhaps I'm building confidence by getting reviews, I would like to be an author.

So I drop these little bits and judge the reactions.
Yaani unataka tuonje ugali kabla upike kitoweo? It's just not done.My apologies...with a reader like me,you might just get a review that might make you break that pen.
Boss,write like your life depends on it. Remember you are writing for you. Half told stories will never get you reviews...
Your story up there looks like a synopsis. Do the story and be damned. After all,if you fail to finish the story,you will be damned too.
 

Berlin

Senior Lister
Yaani unataka tuonje ugali kabla upike kitoweo? It's just not done.My apologies...with a reader like me,you might just get a review that might make you break that pen.
Boss,write like your life depends on it. Remember you are writing for you. Half told stories will never get you reviews...
Your story up there looks like a synopsis. Do the story and be damned. After all,if you fail to finish the story,you will be damned too.
It's an Obama, hardly brittle yet i cannot fault your view.
I'll improve on it, thank you.
 
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