Have you ever been ambushed out of the blue, yaani one minute uko kwa mancave the next unajipata mahali hukua unafikilia? Happened to me juzi. Vuta stool nikupe uhondo.
Was at home on Friday morning getting my feet massaged by Mutheu around 10am when the phone rang, all frequent callers to my phone have specific ringtones assigned to them and this particular ring tone Nakuuliza shetani by Rose Muhando made me ignore the call, i knew it was Muarabu and something told me hakukua ananipigia akiniita nikachukue msaada wa lockdown. He called persistently and at the third time sikua na budi ila tu nichukue simu. "Hallo, Vipi Boss" i said when i answered the call, turned the speaker phone on and held the gadget at arms length. "Kumaanina mkundu wa bata shetwani ibilisi kinyesi cha punda unakataa kushika simu yangu?" hizi ndizo salamu za Muarabu, after more than 10yrs with him nilikua nisha mzoea, "Nakupa dakika robo saa nione hio makende yako kwa offisi" na akakata simu. It was almost 2 yrs tangu nitoke kwa Muarabu and in those two yrs whenever he was in a fix he always called me, nikafanya quick culculations nikajua sina otherwise, since the lockdown was announced on the 15th of march sikua nimefanya kazi ya maana and my stash of liquid currency was almost finished.
Mutheu looked at me as i rose up resignedly rushed to the bathroom, freshened up grabbed the keys of the Succeed Newshape and hit the road to the yard in Shimanzi, the other side of town wondering what task awaited me. With no traffic coz of lockdown i made it in "saa robo". Kufika nilipata nagojewa vile tunagojeaga Mutahi Kagwe alete daily covid-19 updates kwa runinga, Muarabu threw some documents at me after kuziangalia my heart sank. They were msedes drivers passage papers from Msa to Nrb and the drivers name was missing, it hadn't been filled in.
While scratching the hairs on his big belly akauliza kama nimeona hio and i answered affirmatively, he then asked what else is missing, i perused the document again sikuona kitu ingine and i told him so. "Jinga hii tangu uende leave ulikua unatombwa akili nini? akaniuliza, didnt rely, kept mum, " ile kitu hakuna hapo ni Covid free certificate ya driver, saa hii nenda pale PHD (Public Health Department) upimwe, they are waitng for you, your name will be on that document" so saying akanirushia funguo za V8 yake opened his drawer and went back to his miraa. There was no arguing with him, picked the keys and walked out of his office.
Kwa parking nilipata gari ikipanguzwa na hapa ndio nilipata kujua nini kina kula kiingine, i was informed that Muarabu had won a contract of transporting covid materials from the port to the city and that his preferred driver had turned positive, his next best option was me.
Na hivo wadau ndio nilijipata nikipimwa Corona, as he had promised kufika PHD nikipark gari kuna watchie alikuja akaniita by name and led me inside, tangu hili janga lianze this was my first time to see the famous hazmut suits na kusema ukweli nikaanza kupatwa na wasiwasi, moja kwa moja soja akaniongoza hadi kwa an empty office gave me a seat and told me to wait. A minute later two fellows in the dreaded suits turned up, one was a woman, i could tell from the curves, momo ni momo tu ata ivae nini, they entered without knocking and called me by name, when they turned around its when i saw their names written with a felt pen at the back of their suits, i wondered how much Muarabu had paid for this preferential treatment juu nilikua nimepita foleni kubwa sana hapo inje. The suits turned around nikaulizwa "Meria are you ready for this" i took a deep breath and nodded.
With a gloved hand he lifted up my chin and removed my mask, the lady opened a tube and a swab the size of a javelin ika tolewa hapo ndani. The gentleman held my forehead and inserted the javelin in my nose, i tensed up nikafunga breki zote kitu ilitemka mpaka nikaiskia kwa esophagus, as if that was not enough aka i twist mara kaa tatu, if he had twisted it again ningelimuinua na uppercut kisha nimsukumie ngumi ya power ya tumbo aanguke then nimtoe momo mask nimpe kiss kisha nifanye @123tokambio hadi kibwezi. Thankfully he was done, while pulling it out i think he touched the sensor that releases tears coz i felt them on my cheeks and tasted some in my mouth. The Momo in the hazmut then gave me a roll of tissue as soon as the swab was out, seems like she was expecting the tears and mucus that followed. After a minute when i had settled down nikaambiwa fungua mdomo and another swab was done deep in my mouth, hii haikua mbaya, i grabbed more tissue nika itemea mate. Was then given a form where i put down my name, ID, phone number and employer, after kujaza nilipo mrudishia he informed me that as nafanya essential duties kama yeye, my results would be out in a few hours and they would inform my employer who would then inform me, as he turned around he said thank you we hope to see you soon. For once sikua nalakusema but i vowed to myself huko sirudi ata na dawa.
Kama Newshape haigekua kwa yard mimi singerudi huko lakini sasa ilibidi, kufika nikapata a msedes Axor with a 40ft container ambayo haikukua nikitoka, looking at the tyres nikajua hii inaenda masafa. Kupatia Muarabu funguo zake akasema gari yako hio imeingia, results zako zikitoka negative hio mzigo naitaka Thika by Kesho jioni, i looked at the papers nikaona the container was loaded with three ply material for making facemasks. Nikamuuliza analipa ngapi as i no longer worked for him, alitema taxin akaniangalia from down chini hadi juu, i braced myself for the earth shattering obsceneties, " blary fuakin makende ya ndungumaria toa korona hapa, kwenda nyumbani ugojee simu, ghaseer!" with that i was dismissed. Nikatoka kaa nacheka, i knew my turn to hold the aces was coming.
On the way home that friday afternoon nikakumbuka the last time i had done a test and waited for results, it was a HIV test na hio mtu hagojei sana, kitu 10 minutes hivi ukiwa peke yako in a ka room. It was after i had chewed a poko in Voi around 2010 nikaskia utamu kaa ile niliskia the first time i got laid, ku withdraw nikapata kumbe ni rubber ilikua imeburst. Those 10 minutes i waited for the results seemed like 4 decades hio siku nilimkumbuka mungu wangu nikaoma ombi fupi results ziwe negative, this time too i remembered the Lord and called out to him akumbuke mtu wake. If positive i knew mimi ni hosi direct, Mutheu and all my contacts would be taken to quarantine
Kufika home after kusimulia Mutheu the days happening nikazima simu.
Was at home on Friday morning getting my feet massaged by Mutheu around 10am when the phone rang, all frequent callers to my phone have specific ringtones assigned to them and this particular ring tone Nakuuliza shetani by Rose Muhando made me ignore the call, i knew it was Muarabu and something told me hakukua ananipigia akiniita nikachukue msaada wa lockdown. He called persistently and at the third time sikua na budi ila tu nichukue simu. "Hallo, Vipi Boss" i said when i answered the call, turned the speaker phone on and held the gadget at arms length. "Kumaanina mkundu wa bata shetwani ibilisi kinyesi cha punda unakataa kushika simu yangu?" hizi ndizo salamu za Muarabu, after more than 10yrs with him nilikua nisha mzoea, "Nakupa dakika robo saa nione hio makende yako kwa offisi" na akakata simu. It was almost 2 yrs tangu nitoke kwa Muarabu and in those two yrs whenever he was in a fix he always called me, nikafanya quick culculations nikajua sina otherwise, since the lockdown was announced on the 15th of march sikua nimefanya kazi ya maana and my stash of liquid currency was almost finished.
Mutheu looked at me as i rose up resignedly rushed to the bathroom, freshened up grabbed the keys of the Succeed Newshape and hit the road to the yard in Shimanzi, the other side of town wondering what task awaited me. With no traffic coz of lockdown i made it in "saa robo". Kufika nilipata nagojewa vile tunagojeaga Mutahi Kagwe alete daily covid-19 updates kwa runinga, Muarabu threw some documents at me after kuziangalia my heart sank. They were msedes drivers passage papers from Msa to Nrb and the drivers name was missing, it hadn't been filled in.
While scratching the hairs on his big belly akauliza kama nimeona hio and i answered affirmatively, he then asked what else is missing, i perused the document again sikuona kitu ingine and i told him so. "Jinga hii tangu uende leave ulikua unatombwa akili nini? akaniuliza, didnt rely, kept mum, " ile kitu hakuna hapo ni Covid free certificate ya driver, saa hii nenda pale PHD (Public Health Department) upimwe, they are waitng for you, your name will be on that document" so saying akanirushia funguo za V8 yake opened his drawer and went back to his miraa. There was no arguing with him, picked the keys and walked out of his office.
Kwa parking nilipata gari ikipanguzwa na hapa ndio nilipata kujua nini kina kula kiingine, i was informed that Muarabu had won a contract of transporting covid materials from the port to the city and that his preferred driver had turned positive, his next best option was me.
Na hivo wadau ndio nilijipata nikipimwa Corona, as he had promised kufika PHD nikipark gari kuna watchie alikuja akaniita by name and led me inside, tangu hili janga lianze this was my first time to see the famous hazmut suits na kusema ukweli nikaanza kupatwa na wasiwasi, moja kwa moja soja akaniongoza hadi kwa an empty office gave me a seat and told me to wait. A minute later two fellows in the dreaded suits turned up, one was a woman, i could tell from the curves, momo ni momo tu ata ivae nini, they entered without knocking and called me by name, when they turned around its when i saw their names written with a felt pen at the back of their suits, i wondered how much Muarabu had paid for this preferential treatment juu nilikua nimepita foleni kubwa sana hapo inje. The suits turned around nikaulizwa "Meria are you ready for this" i took a deep breath and nodded.
With a gloved hand he lifted up my chin and removed my mask, the lady opened a tube and a swab the size of a javelin ika tolewa hapo ndani. The gentleman held my forehead and inserted the javelin in my nose, i tensed up nikafunga breki zote kitu ilitemka mpaka nikaiskia kwa esophagus, as if that was not enough aka i twist mara kaa tatu, if he had twisted it again ningelimuinua na uppercut kisha nimsukumie ngumi ya power ya tumbo aanguke then nimtoe momo mask nimpe kiss kisha nifanye @123tokambio hadi kibwezi. Thankfully he was done, while pulling it out i think he touched the sensor that releases tears coz i felt them on my cheeks and tasted some in my mouth. The Momo in the hazmut then gave me a roll of tissue as soon as the swab was out, seems like she was expecting the tears and mucus that followed. After a minute when i had settled down nikaambiwa fungua mdomo and another swab was done deep in my mouth, hii haikua mbaya, i grabbed more tissue nika itemea mate. Was then given a form where i put down my name, ID, phone number and employer, after kujaza nilipo mrudishia he informed me that as nafanya essential duties kama yeye, my results would be out in a few hours and they would inform my employer who would then inform me, as he turned around he said thank you we hope to see you soon. For once sikua nalakusema but i vowed to myself huko sirudi ata na dawa.
Kama Newshape haigekua kwa yard mimi singerudi huko lakini sasa ilibidi, kufika nikapata a msedes Axor with a 40ft container ambayo haikukua nikitoka, looking at the tyres nikajua hii inaenda masafa. Kupatia Muarabu funguo zake akasema gari yako hio imeingia, results zako zikitoka negative hio mzigo naitaka Thika by Kesho jioni, i looked at the papers nikaona the container was loaded with three ply material for making facemasks. Nikamuuliza analipa ngapi as i no longer worked for him, alitema taxin akaniangalia from down chini hadi juu, i braced myself for the earth shattering obsceneties, " blary fuakin makende ya ndungumaria toa korona hapa, kwenda nyumbani ugojee simu, ghaseer!" with that i was dismissed. Nikatoka kaa nacheka, i knew my turn to hold the aces was coming.
On the way home that friday afternoon nikakumbuka the last time i had done a test and waited for results, it was a HIV test na hio mtu hagojei sana, kitu 10 minutes hivi ukiwa peke yako in a ka room. It was after i had chewed a poko in Voi around 2010 nikaskia utamu kaa ile niliskia the first time i got laid, ku withdraw nikapata kumbe ni rubber ilikua imeburst. Those 10 minutes i waited for the results seemed like 4 decades hio siku nilimkumbuka mungu wangu nikaoma ombi fupi results ziwe negative, this time too i remembered the Lord and called out to him akumbuke mtu wake. If positive i knew mimi ni hosi direct, Mutheu and all my contacts would be taken to quarantine
Kufika home after kusimulia Mutheu the days happening nikazima simu.
