Tindi Seje Nuru
New Lister
Kampala is the silhouette of flamboyance, good living and lewd adventure. If you've never been there, then am sure you know not what you're missing. The folks are generally timid, soft and stunning with an incredible passion for the good things of life. They averagely hold a thousand splashy weddings weekly, bloated with kaleidoscopic decor, fine music and a plethora of starved ladies with giant geometry struggling with mountains of food on trays balancing delicately over raised heels towards their seats -and they eat em all. They've no wedding without a sea of cars, people borrow watches and shoes to attend weddings in Kla, the halls may never be full during the exchange of vows, but the wedding receptions are always full to the brim. Even the least of weddings must have dedicated cops with corked machine-guns to show you where to park as well as keeping law and order during swallowship. Uganda is the home of exquisite cuisines, my favourite was Luwombo.
Every Ugandan eats well, even men of modest means who earn 10,000UGX a day, bravely order for a single meal worth 6500 and use the balance for a bottle of cold Bell/Nile beer and boiled eggs.
Their bodaboda men as well as those who spin chappatis (Rolex)by the roadside proudly posses Samsung S series. It's difficult to tell the haves and the have-nots in the Ugandan beaches; everyone orders Amarula with fried fish, everyone swings a car key and has a smooth well endowed perfectly dressed daughter of Eve with wigs and sunglasses. There's always a thick jam over the weekends towards Ggaba, Munyonyo, Lido, Nabionya or Botanical garden. There are more security men on Kampala streets than there are happy marriages in Nyeri.
Kabalagala is the nocturnal headquarters of Uganda. It's sleepy during the day and alive by night. If you won't find your favourite hard drink in East Africa, then you haven't searched for it in Kabalagala. There are more clubs and bars in Kampala than there are churches in entire Rome. If you randomly throw a stone in Kabalagala, you're highly likely to hit a prostitute; they come in all ages, races and temperaments. I particularly admire Capital Pub- you don't go there with your darling wife, lest they (prostitutes) wittingly warn her that you usually don't pay after service.
K'la shows up its splendour in its extravagant mating rituals. There's a famous Batoro saying that 'Omussaja tayangua' loosely translated as ' a man should never be denied'. It's thus reasonably safe to assert that it's impolite for any lady to deny the advances of a thirsty man in Sseboland. They would feel sad on your behalf and may literally cry when they don't give your Ceasar what belongs to Caesar. All their guesthouses and hotels have some form of Macintosh or plastic sheets on their beds. I don't know why!. Only decorated legends would easily predict the kind of thin oily plastic sheaths that usually clog their homes, hotel/office even school sewerage systems!!
Kabalagala is the next place you should visit before you die. The best days of our lives were lived near Kabalagala. I miss Kampala.
Oh Uganda May God Uphold Thee!
*This article appeared on wanderlust Page by the same author
