Green Lodge


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The Green Lodge’. Sounds swanky a title,yar? Except that in this case we are talking about a village kind of swankiness. A unique feel that only a herds boy deep in the village would understand. For the sake of fairness, my green lodge here refers to a natural lodge made up of bushes and grass.

A few days ago we were having a conversation in a WhatsApp group with some of my friends then one, Larry aka Sakko made a joke about how he would love to have sex with a village girl, in a bush. He confessed to having had the experience while growing up back in the village. I loved the level of honesty. Most men will shy away from admitting to such while deep inside they burn with the desire for such an experience. After the conversation my mind travelled back to some of the sexcapades I had witnessed or heard of. Just to clarify, I never took part in any of them.

In the early 90’s, when I was growing up, these ‘lodges’ were a fad. Mostly, with the youth and herders. Practicaly, most youths looked after cattle. The village wasn’t so populated as it is right now. Homesteads were scatterd and in between existed the grazing grounds,which is also where ladies went to fetch firewood. A perfect meeting point. In these bushes bulls and cows mate. In these bushes snakes, squirrels, ants and other living creatures that inhabited them had sex. Man also decided to join in this lovemaking frenzy. God looked down from the heavens and saw it all. He must have a really difficult job,this our Creator. Does he frown or just smile when he sees human beings and animals having sex at the same time in one small bush? Does he rate them? Why doesn’t he stop them? Throw down ice. Pull a burning-bush-stunt like the one he did in the bible, with Moses.

Picture this, you are making love in the bush, everything is going paradise and you are about to climax. You feel some heat hitting your back but you try to ignore it. You imagine maybe you are too good that the sun has decided you deserve a standing ovation. You feel crackling sounds from the leafy ‘roof’. You look at your partners eyes, and they are frozen in terror, a keen look into her eyeballs and you notice a reflection of what seems like flames of fire, but with no burning umbers. Then you hear a thunderous voice bellowing from above calling out: “John and Mary, why have you decided to defile this holy bush?”then it continues: “Its me your God, the God of Abraham and your forefathers. ” You stiffen up, you feel as if something is tying your gut into knots. Your breath almost stops and your heart ceases pounding for what seems like eternity. That could scare the hell out of anyone.

Of all these love making sessions, man’s was somewhat organised. Some preparation went into it. Mostly, it began with a meeting by the river where both the boy and lady went to fetch water. The boy would them offer to help the lady with her water pot. This gentlemanly gesture was a plus, it increased your chances of winning the ‘prize’. If she kept nibbling on her nails and avoiding eye contact, and when you did occasionally stop to rest she drew on the ground with her toe (most walked barefoot), you were in. All you had to do was say the day and name the bush and she’d be there.

On the meeting day, the boy would take a bath and take the herd of cattle out for grazing, no questions asked. On the other side, the lady didn’t have to do any convincing to her mother. She only needed to take a bath, get a rope and carry a wrapper, that was self explanatory. In the bush, the boy had already scouted for the best location and ‘built’ a ‘lodge’. He’d then wait by the edge of the bush until his date arrived. They didn’t have all the time in the world, so after exchanging a few pleasantries they went down to ‘business’. Condoms or emergency pills were not so available in the village back in the days, let alone where to buy them.

What baffles me is, there were less children born out of wedlock compared to this current time. Is it that we have become very fertile than folks were back then?


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There was a secluded place in our village that had grass(the kind used for roofing) the escapades I had there were many. Recently I needed to thatch for my makuti and I went to see the owner. He told me he had to cut the grass during the first lockdown. He collected over 100 used condoms. Apparently it was a perfect meeting place for couples during the lockdown.