Fertilizer barons

Mwalimu-G

Mwalimu-G

Elder Lister
Satire


Bwana this SUNDAY NATION report has more twists and turns than your average Mijikenda acrobat. It now emerges that Agriculture CS Mithika Linturi might have revoked the wrong license as the fake fertilizer scandal unfolds.
Under the fertilizer subsidy programme, two licenses were issued; one to a fertilizer manufacturing company, the other to a fertilizer distribution company. In the deal, the tender to manufacture fertilizers was issued to KEL Chemicals while the one to distribute the bags was awarded to MEMS Distributors.

MEMS is the company owned by Marianne Keitany's brother, Collins Ngetich. One day, KEL Chemicals woke up to find some of the bags MEMS had been distributing had their quality compromised and immediately wrote a letter to MEMS asking them to explain what's going on.

SUNDAY NATION reports that it was not the first time MEMS had been flagged for delivering substandard products. An audit report from the State Department of Public Works formed in September 2023 found that MEMS Distributors failed to properly service a contract for the construction of classrooms in Kimilili Constituency, under the National Government Constituency Development Fund (NGCDF), where MEMS Distributors were paid to build 18 good quality classrooms, only to end up constructing only 16 classrooms that were later deemed to be structurally unsound.

It is not yet clear why Mithika Linturi has chosen to shield Marianne Keitany's brother at the expense of ruining the integrity of the Ministry of Agriculture, but relationship experts have since concluded that, in science as in life, the arrow always points to the eater.
 
Mwalimu-G

Mwalimu-G

Elder Lister
More satire


You guys should read that headline story in the SUNDAY NATION.

1. Collins Kipchumba Ngetich is the brother of Aldai MP Marianne Keitany. (Remember that name because we shall come back to it later.)

2. Marianne Keitany is the former Chief of Staff in the Office of William Ruto when Ruto was Deputy President.
3. In 2014, Meru Senator Mithika Linturi sponsored an impeachment motion against then Devolution CS Anne Waiguru.
4. After an unsuccessful attempt to convince him to drop the impeachment motion, a plan was hatched to have Linturi visit Marianne Keitany at Naivasha Sopa Lodge on the day the impeachment motion was to be tabled on the floor of the house.
5. Unknown to Linturi, Marianne Keitany, then Chief of Staff at the office of the Deputy President William Ruto, later told the Divorce Court that they were tasked as a team to make Linturi withdraw the motion and the only way they could ensure it flopped, was to organise for Linturi’s technical disappearance from Parliament.
5. Linturi arrived at Sopa Lodge bouncing like Cannibal and Sharama, expecting to check in and check out at the speed of light, only to be put on a marination diet that went on for hours before making love to Marianne Keitany like a lovestruck Meru man would, and forgot he was supposed to be in Parliament shouting "Waiguru Must Go."
7. That's how the Waiguru's impeachment motion drunk water.

8. At the height of their romance, Keitany and Linturi did some things that they would later come to regret. This is where Collins Kipchumba Ngetich reappears at the scene of this love rectangle.

9. Collins Ngetich owns a company called Mems Distributors. Together with KEL Chemicals, they were awarded the tender to supply fertilizers under the Gov't fertilizer subsidy programme.
10. However, only KEL Chemicals have had their license revoked by Agriculture CS Mithika Linturi after a public outcry over the fake fertilizer scandal that is now threatening to eject him out of office.

11. SUNDAY NATION reports that it is now emerging that one of the documents presented in court in the ongoing divorce case between Linturi and Keitany involves a company called Barons Limited, owned by Collins Ngetich, which has sued Linturi for forging the signatures of Baron Ltd directors - Mr Ngetich and his mother Rhoda Keitany - to secure loans amounting to Sh530 million (five hundred and thirty million shillings only.) Bwana this story reads like a movie.
 
Kasaman

Kasaman

Elder Lister
Mwalimu-G said:
More satire


You guys should read that headline story in the SUNDAY NATION.

1. Collins Kipchumba Ngetich is the brother of Aldai MP Marianne Keitany. (Remember that name because we shall come back to it later.)

2. Marianne Keitany is the former Chief of Staff in the Office of William Ruto when Ruto was Deputy President.
3. In 2014, Meru Senator Mithika Linturi sponsored an impeachment motion against then Devolution CS Anne Waiguru.
4. After an unsuccessful attempt to convince him to drop the impeachment motion, a plan was hatched to have Linturi visit Marianne Keitany at Naivasha Sopa Lodge on the day the impeachment motion was to be tabled on the floor of the house.
5. Unknown to Linturi, Marianne Keitany, then Chief of Staff at the office of the Deputy President William Ruto, later told the Divorce Court that they were tasked as a team to make Linturi withdraw the motion and the only way they could ensure it flopped, was to organise for Linturi’s technical disappearance from Parliament.
5. Linturi arrived at Sopa Lodge bouncing like Cannibal and Sharama, expecting to check in and check out at the speed of light, only to be put on a marination diet that went on for hours before making love to Marianne Keitany like a lovestruck Meru man would, and forgot he was supposed to be in Parliament shouting "Waiguru Must Go."
7. That's how the Waiguru's impeachment motion drunk water.

8. At the height of their romance, Keitany and Linturi did some things that they would later come to regret. This is where Collins Kipchumba Ngetich reappears at the scene of this love rectangle.

9. Collins Ngetich owns a company called Mems Distributors. Together with KEL Chemicals, they were awarded the tender to supply fertilizers under the Gov't fertilizer subsidy programme.
10. However, only KEL Chemicals have had their license revoked by Agriculture CS Mithika Linturi after a public outcry over the fake fertilizer scandal that is now threatening to eject him out of office.

11. SUNDAY NATION reports that it is now emerging that one of the documents presented in court in the ongoing divorce case between Linturi and Keitany involves a company called Barons Limited, owned by Collins Ngetich, which has sued Linturi for forging the signatures of Baron Ltd directors - Mr Ngetich and his mother Rhoda Keitany - to secure loans amounting to Sh530 million (five hundred and thirty million shillings only.) Bwana this story reads like a movie.
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We want the truth !
 
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