Businesses using banks to lure buyers

upepo

Elder Lister
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Matatus aside, the other venture giving "investors" heart attack, depression and high blood pressure are these TATA lorries. You will see them a lot on Mombasa Road around Molongo area.

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Would-be investors were told how they would rake in Ksh20,000 per day carrying and delivering materials around building sites. Monthly turnover of Ksh600,000 sounds so sweet to the investors' ears. Many started imagining how it would feel banking Ksh20,000 daily. The would-be investors trooped to banks and took loans and bought the TATA lorries, not worried about hefty bank interest rates and other charges, after all, KSh20,000 will be rolling in every day. What theses"investors" were not told was the theft of spares, fuel, cash, tyres etc by the lorry drivers and reckless driving and overloading by the same drivers. Most of these lorries are now severely unroadworthy and spend more time in the garages than carrying materials. Many lorry owners now have to cope with flooded market, delapidated lorries, underpricing/undercutting, broken down lorries, poor cash flow, and at the same time, banks expect loan repayments as usual. This has left many"investors" devastated with some lorries repossessed.

The following is an account of how the above lorry came to being, probably from someone who swears by DIY cigarettes:
The Tata LPK2516 tipper.
You all know that ka yellow karai tipper with an ugly cabin. They are so many in Kenya. Inaitwa LPK 2516 (Lipa, Park, Kufa).

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The Tata LPK2516 tipper

In 2007 or thereabout, Muhindi came and studied the Kenyan market. Noticed a glaring absence of zero mileage mguu kumi double diff tippers. Only unreliable, uneconomic Mtumba Isuzu Gigas that consumed a liter for every kilometer.

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Isuzu Giga

Rushed back to their motherland, India. Sat up and whipped up the most worst of ideas in truck creation.
"Engine? Too complicated for us to build. So? We'll just buy complete engines from Cummins. Americans will give us good discounts." They figured. They settled on the Cummins 6BT engine, iron cylinder head and block , 5883cc , diesel, delivering 157hp.
Body?Ah, we can fabricate. Chomelea chomelea karai, iko sawa. 12 cubic metres karai with hydraulically actuated rear door.
Cabin? Can we buy from China. Vijay, ask the Chinese how much they'll charge us for the most rudimentary of truck cabins.

Vijay:-
"Hello, Chinese, cabin tatuuzia pesa ngapi?"
"Only six lakh, Singh. We give good good discount..." answers the Chinaman.
"Six lakh? Thats too expensive!" Decides management.

Into the boardroom comes Atul, master fabricator at Atul Tuktuks, Delhi.
"Ah Mr Atul, just the right man for the job" goes management. " How much for a very basic truck cabin?" Mahesabu giza hapo ya Atul, and he quips, 2.5lakh.
"2.5 lakh! Wonderful!" Exclaims management. " Give that man the contract for the cabins. Bear in mind Atul ana sura mbovu kama tuktuk, and is the equivalent of Omosh panel beater wa Girogoni huko Delhi. Thats how Tata tippers got their unbecoming appearances.

Rear suspension? Boggie suspension, hmm too expensive. Those semi elliptical springs will cost an arm and a leg. Aah, Vijay, what if we put each diff with its own set of leaf springs?
Ah, great idea! What about compensating? Oh, lets introduce hangers and bellcranks. Result? A complicated rear suspension, with the mood of a high school dorm matron with PMS.

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Electrical?
"Kawaya Vinood!! Kuja hapaa!! Wewe naweza funga funga wire toka kwa alternator, iende kwa battery, mataa, wiper, etc?? Wewe si naweza??" Hollers management at Vinood.
"Yes boss!! " mimi tafanya iyo.
So basic is kawaya Vinood, the ignition switch is cojoined with the headlamps switch. Wipers have one speed, and theres no need for ignition key. A 3" nail will do. Believe it or not, Tata tippers zote hugurumishwa na msumari ya inch tatu, hazinaga key.

Gearbox. Hapa, Tata Matata. Believe it or not, the gearbox bellhousing is cast iron. Six speed + 1 reverse.
Tyres , Jet King tube tyres. 295/80 R22.5. Its 2009, eeeh, tube tyres, errrm...hold that thought.

There, the tipper is ready. The tipper lands at KEMBA. Kamau from Kiambu learns of a mguu kumi Tata tipper being sold by Tata Kenya that consumes a fraction of the diesel consumed by his erratic, mtumba Isuzu Giga. Mahesabu haraka haraka, anaona this tipper can be raking in 15k a day after deducting expenses.
Huyoo Kamau, mbioo kwa Ekeza Sacco. Takes a loan and rushes to Co-Op Bank. Finance, chap chap, tipper imetoka. First month, tipper is a real work horse. Inatoka na mchanga tani 20 mtoni na gear 3. Inasawazisha milima ya Athi River ikipita FSR zote. Kamau even christens his newest acquisition "Mkali Wao"

Kamau is ecstatic. He can't stop blathering to his drinking buddies how his truck is raking in millions, and how he will soon move from his 2 bedroom rental in Kinoo to his own home.
Two months into ownership, hanger zimevunjika. Zinarekebishwa. Bellcrank imevunjika. Inaekwa mpya from Pindoria. Center bolt katika, inarekebishwa. Kamau isn't too happy.

Three months, gears haziingii. On closer observation, bellhousing ina crack. Doughnuts are loose. Miguu imeisha. Rings zimeisha, inachoma oil liter 5 dAily. The turbo outlet is also full of oily deposits, seals are done for. Before Kamau knows it, its already one year. Insurance inadai, inspection inadai. One month default, Coop has already sent its overzealous auctioneers. Tipper is repossessed and quick math, Kamau needs almost 300k to get it back on the road. Giri magana matatu? Ni gutee. Wacha ikae. Kaba Giga yakwa.

This tipper has alot of manufacturing defects. COFEK, where art thou?

Next scam ........................................
Suzuki Alto

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Last edited:

Budspencer

Elder Lister
So basic is kawaya Vinood, the ignition switch is cojoined with the headlamps switch. Wipers have one speed, and theres no need for ignition key. A 3" nail will do. Believe it or not, Tata tippers zote hugurumishwa na msumari ya inch tatu, hazinaga key.

Waah na vile nilikua nimeheshimu rori ya kukanyanga watu ya osungu.dll!

Another scam ni hii hapa. From 10m to 27m na inakamuliwa in the prime of your life.

 
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