Me thinks hii ilikua ya Mushatha.
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Nie maumaundu maya
My very first time to sleep with a woman was rather of a disaster or I can say it was not planned at all.I was in class 8 and me being a small guy,by the way I was the smallest in our class.Those days unlike now when I see babies finish class 8 at 11 years of age,there were big girls piu piu ,some having 2 kids or breastfeeding while still in primary.Infact I could see some of them breasts heavy with milk and you could even see it dripping around the nipples coz bras those days was report.Approaching these girls was difficult like saying where Eurobond money went or telling If judge Tunoi ate that 200 M .Firstly me being a Kihii and competing with big men with beards,yes those days you could find a 25 years man in class 8 ,Not that he doent want to go to secondary but he has repeated classes until the teachers have no option but to push the cow and let it finish nevertheless.These boys used to circumcised while still in primary and were first priority for these big girls.I once heard a girl in or class say “mimi siwezi fanyana na mtu ajatairiwa”.i coiled my tail and asked God when will I get circumcised so I could be enjoying these girls like lack of importance.God told me I shut the mushene up because even Abraham was circumcised when he was 80 years and was not complaining.
So me and the unlucky uncircumcised gentiles knew a chance of hearing msuri was hard like winning the Sportpesa jackpot.We were content and were not complaining and our attempt to serenade smaller girls who even thought sitting together with a boy was a sin which would make them never see the kingdom of God with eye.There were also boys even if they were ipii they used to climb but because either they had sweet mouths or were seen like “aanake”.So one day were were going home after school with,my childhood friend mugoiri and another boy.Mugoiri asked me “we niuri waria mundu ?(have you ever climbed someone?) I looked at Him in amazement and asked him what he meant.The other boy Mwaniki burst in laughter and I was left there wondering what was going on.I said “asha ndiri ndaria mundu” (no I have never ).They laughed like satan and told me they have climbed countless times.Mugoiri was a bigger kipii than me and I believed him since not once I had seen him standing with girls in corners of the road.They told me they will find me a good girl whom they know cannot refuse and was a well known “ciirunde” (a woman who gives out her cookie like wedding biscuits).
On the material day,it was a Saturday ,mugoiri came at my home with mwaniki and told me the have found a girl for me.Excitement rocked my heart and I knew today I will eat someone although I dint know how or who.I lied to my grandmother we are going hunting and she said ok.So we went,around our homestead there was a coffee plantation, a road passed in between to the other side,I saw a girl whom I recognized as a girl we used to call “kiruth ”.She was not a bad girl as such but I could say she looked like a hybrid of south Sudanese . I wanted to return home very fast ..Mugoiri told me that they have told her that if she shows me how to eat a person they will give her 10 bob.Those days ten bob was a big deal by the way.So I walked to her and she started laughing. ..i was in shock ..mugoiri told me we go in the coffee bushes we finish there . I followed her like a lost sheep ,we went to some place where there was some green grass.Now I was clueless ,she lay down and moved her skirt up,she wore no thuruari either she didn’t have coz those days it was history unless on special days.She spread her legs and imeaditly I was beaten with a kiheera (smell) fish mixed with washing water ..I had no choice because greeks saided a goat of to be given is not looked if it has teeth .I stood there wondering what the F was going on.
I had not seen a girls canaan in my life despite peeping under skirts in school.I wondered why she had a wound between her legs and she is not going to hospital.She told me “ruta thuruari uuke iguru” (remove shorts and come up)I did as told and I was wondering what next ..I shouted to mugoiri “Mugoiri njike atia”?(what will I do”.Mugoiri shouted back “ngoma ino ruta thuruari uhambe iguru” (Satan remove pant and jump ontop of her”.By now I was confused … “kotari urokia nugu ino”(you are even not horny satan! ) she shouted getting angry.She grabbed me..rubbed rubbed my elephant trunk àbd it rose to the important occassion ahead (bragging small)and inserted it in her cookie..Imedeatly I felt so much warmth that I lay there like a dead grasshopper . “Iniria ngui ino”(Thrust you matapaka ).Now people of God if I didn’t know what was canaan how was I supposed to know that?.She started to move sideways ..sideways and haiya Jeso Muthaka I started feeling msuri ..hhehe she moved fast and yes I was in Jerusalem .after 3 minutes I heard something come all the way from the balls run to my he goat,I felt shaking ,I saw the picture of Ibrahim ,Joshua elikana and Anania flash before me..i started shaking…I thought I could die.woooi Jehova I started crying !!Nindahera!!(I repent ) No way I could die in this position .I thought it was God punishing me for breaking one of the ten Comandments …The girl continued rocking and I saw her also caught by the same disease ..she started shaking I thought kwisha!!finish Iam kuf dead ..i will die and when I reach heaven God will send me to hell for killing,so it will double sin.She finished and told me “ehera haha ngoma ona ndui gw***k mundu (remove here you matapaka you don’t even know how to d someone ) ..I wore my shirt and I found akina Mugoiri rolling on the ground with laugher moking me.Weuh I feared those things for a long time until I was circumcised and had no option but to wipe soot later mugoiri explained the feeling I heard and what is called..….Satan is not a kapii..
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Copied
Nie maumaundu maya
My very first time to sleep with a woman was rather of a disaster or I can say it was not planned at all.I was in class 8 and me being a small guy,by the way I was the smallest in our class.Those days unlike now when I see babies finish class 8 at 11 years of age,there were big girls piu piu ,some having 2 kids or breastfeeding while still in primary.Infact I could see some of them breasts heavy with milk and you could even see it dripping around the nipples coz bras those days was report.Approaching these girls was difficult like saying where Eurobond money went or telling If judge Tunoi ate that 200 M .Firstly me being a Kihii and competing with big men with beards,yes those days you could find a 25 years man in class 8 ,Not that he doent want to go to secondary but he has repeated classes until the teachers have no option but to push the cow and let it finish nevertheless.These boys used to circumcised while still in primary and were first priority for these big girls.I once heard a girl in or class say “mimi siwezi fanyana na mtu ajatairiwa”.i coiled my tail and asked God when will I get circumcised so I could be enjoying these girls like lack of importance.God told me I shut the mushene up because even Abraham was circumcised when he was 80 years and was not complaining.
So me and the unlucky uncircumcised gentiles knew a chance of hearing msuri was hard like winning the Sportpesa jackpot.We were content and were not complaining and our attempt to serenade smaller girls who even thought sitting together with a boy was a sin which would make them never see the kingdom of God with eye.There were also boys even if they were ipii they used to climb but because either they had sweet mouths or were seen like “aanake”.So one day were were going home after school with,my childhood friend mugoiri and another boy.Mugoiri asked me “we niuri waria mundu ?(have you ever climbed someone?) I looked at Him in amazement and asked him what he meant.The other boy Mwaniki burst in laughter and I was left there wondering what was going on.I said “asha ndiri ndaria mundu” (no I have never ).They laughed like satan and told me they have climbed countless times.Mugoiri was a bigger kipii than me and I believed him since not once I had seen him standing with girls in corners of the road.They told me they will find me a good girl whom they know cannot refuse and was a well known “ciirunde” (a woman who gives out her cookie like wedding biscuits).
On the material day,it was a Saturday ,mugoiri came at my home with mwaniki and told me the have found a girl for me.Excitement rocked my heart and I knew today I will eat someone although I dint know how or who.I lied to my grandmother we are going hunting and she said ok.So we went,around our homestead there was a coffee plantation, a road passed in between to the other side,I saw a girl whom I recognized as a girl we used to call “kiruth ”.She was not a bad girl as such but I could say she looked like a hybrid of south Sudanese . I wanted to return home very fast ..Mugoiri told me that they have told her that if she shows me how to eat a person they will give her 10 bob.Those days ten bob was a big deal by the way.So I walked to her and she started laughing. ..i was in shock ..mugoiri told me we go in the coffee bushes we finish there . I followed her like a lost sheep ,we went to some place where there was some green grass.Now I was clueless ,she lay down and moved her skirt up,she wore no thuruari either she didn’t have coz those days it was history unless on special days.She spread her legs and imeaditly I was beaten with a kiheera (smell) fish mixed with washing water ..I had no choice because greeks saided a goat of to be given is not looked if it has teeth .I stood there wondering what the F was going on.
I had not seen a girls canaan in my life despite peeping under skirts in school.I wondered why she had a wound between her legs and she is not going to hospital.She told me “ruta thuruari uuke iguru” (remove shorts and come up)I did as told and I was wondering what next ..I shouted to mugoiri “Mugoiri njike atia”?(what will I do”.Mugoiri shouted back “ngoma ino ruta thuruari uhambe iguru” (Satan remove pant and jump ontop of her”.By now I was confused … “kotari urokia nugu ino”(you are even not horny satan! ) she shouted getting angry.She grabbed me..rubbed rubbed my elephant trunk àbd it rose to the important occassion ahead (bragging small)and inserted it in her cookie..Imedeatly I felt so much warmth that I lay there like a dead grasshopper . “Iniria ngui ino”(Thrust you matapaka ).Now people of God if I didn’t know what was canaan how was I supposed to know that?.She started to move sideways ..sideways and haiya Jeso Muthaka I started feeling msuri ..hhehe she moved fast and yes I was in Jerusalem .after 3 minutes I heard something come all the way from the balls run to my he goat,I felt shaking ,I saw the picture of Ibrahim ,Joshua elikana and Anania flash before me..i started shaking…I thought I could die.woooi Jehova I started crying !!Nindahera!!(I repent ) No way I could die in this position .I thought it was God punishing me for breaking one of the ten Comandments …The girl continued rocking and I saw her also caught by the same disease ..she started shaking I thought kwisha!!finish Iam kuf dead ..i will die and when I reach heaven God will send me to hell for killing,so it will double sin.She finished and told me “ehera haha ngoma ona ndui gw***k mundu (remove here you matapaka you don’t even know how to d someone ) ..I wore my shirt and I found akina Mugoiri rolling on the ground with laugher moking me.Weuh I feared those things for a long time until I was circumcised and had no option but to wipe soot later mugoiri explained the feeling I heard and what is called..….Satan is not a kapii..
